|
Post by rudry2677 on May 19, 2015 6:17:07 GMT
Add a touch of magic to your cold by placing glitter in your mouth before you sneeze.
|
|
|
Post by rudry2677 on May 19, 2015 6:17:43 GMT
Convince people at Tesco that they're at the airport by taking off your belt and shoes and putting them on the conveyer belt.
|
|
Investor
Member of DD Central
Posts: 662
Likes: 590
|
Post by Investor on May 19, 2015 10:23:17 GMT
Give your birdcage that 'thatched cottage' look by tying Shredded Wheats on to the top of the cage
|
|
|
Post by ablrateandy on May 19, 2015 10:56:13 GMT
Don't waste thousands on expensive personalised number plates when it only costs £30 to change your name by deed poll.
yours,
Mr. OV09 SDD
|
|
jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,742
Likes: 3,137
|
Post by jonno on May 19, 2015 11:07:40 GMT
Don't waste thousands on expensive personalised number plates when it only costs £30 to change your name by deed poll. yours, Mr. OV09 SDD Instead of carrying around heavy and cumbersome binoculars, just walk to within ten yards of the object you wish to view. Sorry. Should have been a new post!
|
|
|
Post by rudry2677 on May 19, 2015 11:29:41 GMT
Convince other people in the public toilets that you are younger than you are by shouting out "I've finished" from your cubicle.
|
|
|
Post by rudry2677 on May 19, 2015 11:30:40 GMT
A microwave makes an ideal TV for people that only like watching cookery programmes.
|
|
jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,742
Likes: 3,137
|
Post by jonno on May 19, 2015 11:40:11 GMT
When listening to your favourite cd, set the volume knob to your desired level, then turn it down by three notches. This saves your wife having to do it.
|
|
Grezza
Member of DD Central
Posts: 152
Likes: 101
|
Post by Grezza on May 19, 2015 11:52:02 GMT
Help all those poor Chelsea FC fans, and save them thousands of ££££'s in ticket costs by inviting them round to watch your grass grow, much more exciting too!!!!
|
|
Grezza
Member of DD Central
Posts: 152
Likes: 101
|
Post by Grezza on May 19, 2015 12:20:53 GMT
If you've been burgled, and want to ensure the police turn up, just add the magic words, 'I think one of the burglars may have had a gun' I guarantee a good response!!!
|
|
Grezza
Member of DD Central
Posts: 152
Likes: 101
|
Post by Grezza on May 19, 2015 12:30:06 GMT
Having a party? Don't pay exorbitant prices for Discos and DJ's etc. all you have to do is take your guests and a 'ghetto blaster' down to the nearest junction and party on down to the those ever changing Red, Amber and Green lights!!!
|
|
jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,742
Likes: 3,137
|
Post by jonno on May 19, 2015 12:33:27 GMT
If you're a single guy and you're wondering what married life is like, just record an episode of Women's Hour, then play it back three times louder than the T.V. while trying to watch the football.
|
|
|
Post by Deleted on May 19, 2015 12:41:45 GMT
If you've been burgled, and want to ensure the police turn up, just add the magic words, 'I think one of the burglars may have had a gun' I guarantee a good response!!! or "I'm sure I put that gun somewhere"
|
|
Grezza
Member of DD Central
Posts: 152
Likes: 101
|
Post by Grezza on May 19, 2015 12:44:16 GMT
Difficulty in getting a good nights sleep? Please listen to to 'You and Yours' on Radio 4, guaranteed to send you off in no time at all. If still awake, please listen to Russell Brands 'philosophy of life' a nauseating journey of rants and total garbage, absolutely guaranteed to make anyone fall aslee.................ZZZZZZZZZ!!!!
|
|
jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,742
Likes: 3,137
|
Post by jonno on May 19, 2015 12:55:37 GMT
Keen on owning a hamster,but can't afford one? Simply urinate in the corner of your room and make a nick in the end of your finger with a kitchen knife every couple of weeks for about 18 months.
|
|