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Post by oldnick on Jun 18, 2015 15:53:48 GMT
To save money on your loved one's birthday, take them into the card shop and let them find one that amuses them. One they've chuckled over it, there's not really much point in buying it is there?
Well that's what happened to me this year - no, no, I don't want your sympathy, I'm off the hook for at least one future misdemeanor now.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jun 19, 2015 9:53:04 GMT
Ensure that your Dad gets more than one day of care and attention not just on Father's Day, by putting him in a care home.
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jun 19, 2015 18:08:27 GMT
if you fancy a bit of fish & chips,drive by the chippy for a whiff then drive off. A great diet tip (though I haven't tried it myself yet, the smell tends to be too strong to just drive off )
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Post by uncletone on Jun 19, 2015 21:43:10 GMT
The only diet guaranteed to work:
If you like it... spit it out.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jun 26, 2015 10:46:32 GMT
Don't forget, toady is National Typo Day.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jun 27, 2015 16:02:26 GMT
Trick people into thinking you are a time traveller by simply buying your clothes in Norfolk.
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Post by oldnick on Jun 27, 2015 19:16:36 GMT
Don't buy camouflage trousers, they're all well and good, but try finding them once you've taken them off.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jun 28, 2015 12:02:03 GMT
Men, get your hair cut in the style of the young generation by asking your hairdresser to stop half way through.
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Post by oldnick on Jun 28, 2015 15:26:14 GMT
That's not going to work for me.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jun 29, 2015 15:47:54 GMT
Trick people into thinking you are a tennis professional by simply letting out a loud groan and then eating half a banana.
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Post by oldnick on Jun 29, 2015 16:32:17 GMT
Wow, is oldgrumpy really McEnroe?
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Post by wildlife2 on Jun 30, 2015 13:48:10 GMT
Make sure your glass/lilac mug is always half empty instead of completely empty.
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coop
Member of DD Central
Posts: 714
Likes: 571
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Post by coop on Jun 30, 2015 15:00:52 GMT
Want to kill yourself in style?
You'll need:
High ceiling Razor wire Ladder Superglue
1) Make a noose with the razor wire and attach to ceiling 2) Climb ladder and put head through noose 3) Cover both hands in superglue and press one hand hard into each side of your face and wait to dry 4) JUMP!
Now when they find you it'll look like you went fully bezerk and ripped your own head off!!!
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Post by wildlife2 on Jun 30, 2015 15:40:40 GMT
Just remember to put the top back on the superglue at the end of the DIY project above.
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Investor
Member of DD Central
Posts: 662
Likes: 590
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Post by Investor on Jun 30, 2015 16:23:52 GMT
and avoid sniffing, can very damaging to your health
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