dorset
Member of DD Central
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Post by dorset on Apr 2, 2020 10:27:06 GMT
For eight years the clever designers of the FC Titanic built the ship aided by tens of thousands of eager crew known in the trade as P2Pers. The ship was launched in the autumn of 2018 hailed as a shiny new fintech unicorn. Super smart city types piled in using investors and pension fund cash at a giveaway 440p per passenger ticket.
For the first 14 months of the voyage things were a little choppy but the line was that this would soon all blow over. However some crew had spotted design flaws in the bulkheads and started to bail out in earnest.
It might all have worked but on a dark night in mid-February 2020 the FC Titanic hit a massive iceberg that somehow had floated in from the landlocked city of Wuhan.
P2Per able seaman Dorset who had once had £50k in the good ship but now had only £5k looked on in horror from his lifeboat. The band still played and the lights were on but the ship was settling too deep into the water. He had genuine sympathy for his fellow crew still on the ship and a little sympathy for the first class passenger wandering the deck confused as to why their 440p ticket was now only worth 50p.
He had no sympathy for the really clever designers who had decided to not sail with the ship and were safe and sound on land.
Footnote: Dorset has £5k still on board and thinks he will be lucky to get much more than half back. Also his recoveries are at 34% and he thought that over the next 25 years these would rise to 50%. He now thinks that he will be lucky to get to 35% overall.
Meanwhile the really really clever designers are thinking about buying FC Titanic for 10p per ticket, repairing the hole and converting it into a bulk carrier to import toilet rolls.
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Post by Badly Drawn Stickman on Apr 2, 2020 10:34:26 GMT
For eight years the clever designers of the FC Titanic built the ship aided by tens of thousands of eager crew known in the trade as P2Pers. The ship was launched in the autumn of 2018 hailed as a shiny new fintech unicorn. Super smart city types piled in using investors and pension fund cash at a giveaway 440p per passenger ticket. For the first 14 months of the voyage things were a little choppy but the line was that this would soon all blow over. However some crew had spotted design flaws in the bulkheads and started to bail out in earnest. It might all have worked but on a dark night in mid-February 2020 the FC Titanic hit a massive iceberg that somehow had floated in from the landlocked city of Wuhan. P2Per able seaman Dorset who had once had £50k in the good ship but now had only £5k looked on in horror from his lifeboat. The band still played and the lights were on but the ship was settling too deep into the water. He had genuine sympathy for his fellow crew still on the ship and a little sympathy for the first class passenger wandering the deck confused as to why their 440p ticket was now only worth 50p. He had no sympathy for the really clever designers who had decided to not sail with the ship and were safe and sound on land. Footnote: Dorset has £5k still on board and thinks he will be lucky to get much more than half back. Also his recoveries are at 34% and he thought that over the next 25 years these would rise to 50%. He now thinks that he will be lucky to get to 35% overall. Meanwhile the really really clever designers are thinking about buying FC Titanic for 10p per ticket, repairing the hole and converting it into a bulk carrier to import toilet rolls. Nice to see a bit of humour around here. i still have a small suitcase on board, but I got off at the last safe harbor with a good few deckchairs, a picture of a naked woman and some sort of jewel.
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alanh
Posts: 556
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Post by alanh on Apr 2, 2020 12:31:52 GMT
Very good. FYI my recoveries are at 29.3% and exactly 1 year ago were at 23.8%. Its coming back V E R Y S L O W L Y
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Post by shanghaiscouse on Apr 2, 2020 14:00:16 GMT
It might all have worked but on a dark night in mid-February 2020 the FC Titanic hit a massive iceberg that somehow had floated in from the landlocked city of Wuhan. >>>> slightly off topic but Wuhan is not landlocked, the reason it exists is it sits at the confluence of 3 rivers including the mighty Yangtse which is so big that ocean going liners can sail from Wuhan 1,000km out past Shanghai into the East China SeaFootnote: Dorset has £5k still on board and thinks he will be lucky to get much more than half back. Also his recoveries are at 34% and he thought that over the next 25 years these would rise to 50%. He now thinks that he will be lucky to get to 35% overall. >>>>> recoveries all depend on the loan cohorts you bought into. i bought in just pre-ipo and post-ipo. my recoveries are absolutely pitiful. i had a lot invested (most out now) and had 56k bad debts, 26k of which happened prior to last August when I started tracking in detail. Of that 26k, not even 3k recovered so far. they are not trying very hard. anyone holding those cohorts are screwed.
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dorset
Member of DD Central
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Post by dorset on Apr 2, 2020 16:16:38 GMT
Point one. That of course explains how the massive iceberg got from Wuhan to the sea.
Point two. Correct all of my loans are pre September 2017. It was at this point in 2017 that the old sea salts and deckhands spotted that this shop was doomed to sink and hence began to move out.
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blender
Member of DD Central
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Post by blender on Apr 2, 2020 17:16:43 GMT
And the rats - like me.
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keitha
Member of DD Central
2024, hopefully the year I get out of P2P
Posts: 3,889
Likes: 2,321
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Post by keitha on Apr 11, 2020 9:18:25 GMT
Some of the Rats went back to see in the new unsinkable SS FTSE100
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Post by brightspark on Apr 11, 2020 11:22:31 GMT
Some then went to sea in a sieve named the good ship "Lendy". Other unfortunates received a ducking in "Funding Secure". The remainder are wearing either life jackets or face masks and visors depending on their inclinations as they hunker down waiting in battleship "Assetz Capital" for an incoming torpedo from the likes of the FCA.
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blender
Member of DD Central
Posts: 5,719
Likes: 4,272
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Post by blender on Apr 11, 2020 12:37:31 GMT
Some then went to sea in a sieve named the good ship "Lendy". Other unfortunates received a ducking in "Funding Secure". The remainder are wearing either life jackets or face masks and visors depending on their inclinations as they hunker down waiting in battleship "Assetz Capital" for an incoming torpedo from the likes of the FCA. Yes, it was an FCA torpedo which did for the otherwise good ship Collateral. I like to think of AC as an Ark, containing lender and borrower for each species of loan. Crewed by Captain Noah and close family, whilst the minions who built it are furloughed and left to take their chances. The AC Ark itself is almost financially water-tight, except for a small excretion, while Noah and family will survive for a while on their rations, but will soon turn to nibbling on the lenders. It could be years before the waters recede.
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dorset
Member of DD Central
Posts: 281
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Post by dorset on Apr 17, 2020 9:45:10 GMT
Quick update.
FC Titanic has now broken in half. but ...
The really clever designers / owners are still on land and have claimed on there insurance policy for the loss of the good ship from CBILS.
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Post by shanghaiscouse on Apr 17, 2020 23:02:35 GMT
I sense another crisis of capitalism looming..... they come round as regular as London buses but worse every time with the accumulated deficits only ever growing.....
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