keitha
Member of DD Central
2024, hopefully the year I get out of P2P
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Post by keitha on Nov 22, 2022 19:59:05 GMT
I thought I'd posted on this before but can't find it.
I and others have been trying to help a friend who is in a financial mess after he had mental health issues and his business collapsed.
After a lot of effort we've managed to get the bank to accept small repayments on his mortgage arrears.
I drafted letters to each of his main trade creditors offering small monthly payments until such time as his financial circumstances improve.
I thought we were sorted as the majority had replied accepting the offer. however today he tells me he's written to them all saying the offer is withdrawn as one creditor has turned the offer down. I've been and looked at the response and this particular creditor has said they can't accept £10 a month but would accept £15.
He doesn't seem to realise that the next step the creditors will take is either Debt Collectors or Bankruptcy.
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Post by bracknellboy on Nov 22, 2022 20:20:39 GMT
I thought I'd posted on this before but can't find it. I and others have been trying to help a friend who is in a financial mess after he had mental health issues and his business collapsed. After a lot of effort we've managed to get the bank to accept small repayments on his mortgage arrears. I drafted letters to each of his main trade creditors offering small monthly payments until such time as his financial circumstances improve. I thought we were sorted as the majority had replied accepting the offer. however today he tells me he's written to them all saying the offer is withdrawn as one creditor has turned the offer down. I've been and looked at the response and this particular creditor has said they can't accept £10 a month but would accept £15. He doesn't seem to realise that the next step the creditors will take is either Debt Collectors or Bankruptcy. really really sorry to hear that, and big kudos for helping him. not sure you are looking for advice, possibly not maybe you are just putting it out there. I'm sure you don't need advice, but if you do I'd get his permission to write again to the other creditors and perhaps explain that there are 'stress' issues (it needn't go further than that), and that the previously accepted offer still stands. Assuming he can manage the extra £5. I think if the action is quick, and their is a hint of mental health ('stress') issues, they would be pretty much duty bound to honour their original acceptance. Keep working with and helping him.
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Post by moonraker on Nov 23, 2022 8:09:58 GMT
Ten years ago, I made contact again with an old school colleague of the 1960s who was writing a book on a subject I'm very knowledgeable about. He has an autistic son who was hoping to make a breakthrough in film production in the States and was heavily funded by his parents with loans. The breakthrough never happened and last year my colleague was in dire financial straits. Several years ago he'd sold a detached country house and was living in rented accommodation. He was appealing to friends to help him out and approached me for a month's rent. I sighed and duly obliged, on an "only once" basis.
The irony was that the guy had been a financial adviser with St James's Place, the "British multinational wealth management business", where he'd done well selling services to masters at public schools. (A couple of years ago, the company was the subject of critical articles in the Sunday Times, with expensive jollies for its advisers being one theme.)
And though I spent some time looking through an early draft of his book and correcting several potential "howlers", he never sent me a copy - I had to buy it myself. 
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ethel
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Post by ethel on Nov 23, 2022 10:17:08 GMT
I once gave my car to my niece as she needed a reliable car for her job and I no longer did much driving. She promptly sold it and didn't even tell me until I enquired about it. If I'd known that was going to happen I'd have kept the car as I was rather fond of it, and had just spent quite a lot of money on it.
No good deed goes unpunished, as the old saying goes.
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ozboy
Member of DD Central
Mine's a Large One! (Snigger, snigger .......)
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Post by ozboy on Nov 23, 2022 12:48:13 GMT
I once gave my car to my niece as she needed a reliable car for her job and I no longer did much driving. She promptly sold it and didn't even tell me until I enquired about it. If I'd known that was going to happen I'd have kept the car as I was rather fond of it, and had just spent quite a lot of money on it. No good deed goes unpunished, as the old saying goes. Blimey, what a conniving niece .......... 
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easynow
Member of DD Central
Popcorn anyone?
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Post by easynow on Nov 23, 2022 12:59:43 GMT
I can see this turning into a thread about "help and favours" being a one way street that we only discover at our expense, which will no doubt make those amongst us who've found this out the hard way feel a little bit better knowing that we aren't the only ones this happens to.
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ethel
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Post by ethel on Nov 23, 2022 14:25:51 GMT
I once gave my car to my niece as she needed a reliable car for her job and I no longer did much driving. She promptly sold it and didn't even tell me until I enquired about it. If I'd known that was going to happen I'd have kept the car as I was rather fond of it, and had just spent quite a lot of money on it. No good deed goes unpunished, as the old saying goes. Blimey, what a conniving niece .......... To be fair to her, I don't think it ever entered her head that I might be upset or annoyed. She had her reasons at the time, and ended up getting another car (which let her down). That's the thing about doing favours for people - don't expect gratitude or even thoughfullness. Once it's left your hands you have no control over it or the recipient.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2022 15:34:24 GMT
On St James, I used to have a friend who was what St J calls an MD (salesman for the rest of us) and I met her in her second week at work. She was already completely stressed out and out of her depth. I calmed her down and slowly helped her come to terms with the job she was trying to do. There in no way was she capable of offering financial advice to anyone and it was to say the least, an eye opener on their business practice. Needless to say her conversation was often about the conference in Barbados she was just off to. She continued in that role for another 5 years, staying out of her depth all the time.
I had tried to be a client with St James a few times before meeting this friend over the years, but found the double-glazing style and, in one case the obnoxious attitude shown by one MD to be too much.
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adrianc
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Post by adrianc on Nov 23, 2022 18:12:36 GMT
My mildly-vulnerable FiL was "befriended" by an SJP salesman years ago. The extent of the financial fact-finding prior to selling a product, it seemed to me, was to accept being bought a nice pub lunch at regular intervals.
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Post by crabbyoldgit on Nov 24, 2022 7:30:20 GMT
Many years ago I had two friends one of which was sold products by a company called financial planning services, who then was converted into an adviser with a couple of days training. Then dispatched to sell to his contacts , family and friends in truth until they were exhausted, after which he was quickly dropped. Well friend two was snared in by him and lost loads in time and was also approached to become an adviser. It was the business model of this company , kind of pyramid financial services selling , do not think they exist anymore thank god and hope this model is now banned.
Sadly my own experiance having talked to several different company advisers upon my retirement was that the only recommend action resulted in the maximum amount of money being placed with them for the maximum commission. The rose tinted view of long term inflation based on historical evidence and the devastating effect it would have on my wifes future , she is 14 years younger than me was breathtaking. I ignored them all, the best choice I have ever made. It seemed to me they were dispactched with the standard company advice and no practicable considerations were given to individual circumstances at all.It was all about the bottom line.
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benaj
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N/A
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Post by benaj on Nov 24, 2022 15:41:51 GMT
The best thing you can do to help a friend now is telling them not to borrow money from any "kind" person like this one.
'I borrowed £50 and we ended up homeless'
I helped a friend once but they never change and don't listen after being "helped". Kinda sad for those who suffer mental disorder..
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keitha
Member of DD Central
2024, hopefully the year I get out of P2P
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Post by keitha on Dec 26, 2022 11:43:10 GMT
So it being Christmas I rang his this morning.
The company he was working for did indeed make him redundant
He managed to get another job, and they went bust 3 weeks after he started so before he even got paid.
he has a new job starting early next month.
Apparently Christmas was ok as his company that made him redundant paid them all an extra months salary tax free as a redundancy payment ( Not sure how that works as he'd been there less than a year so surely it should've been taxed). but he's mad at his utility company as they won't let him withdraw the credit on his account.
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keitha
Member of DD Central
2024, hopefully the year I get out of P2P
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Post by keitha on Aug 14, 2023 13:06:33 GMT
Have had to make the decision to lose him as a friend.
we had a mutual help agreement, I'd help him do jobs he'd help me.
In the last 3 years I've spent about 4-5 weeks helping him with jobs ( this is on top of all the time I've spent sorting his finances )
Since January I've been trying to get him to come and help me with a couple of jobs that will need 2 people to do, he keeps promising to come and not turning up. usually the same excuse "got to work, I'll come up next weekend I'll ring you" of course he never does.
messaged him today to ask why he didn't come up over the weekend.
"Oh I decided to go to Snowdon and take the dogs for a walk"
"so when can you come up"
"working next weekend, the weekend after I'm going away for a couple of weeks, at work every weekend in September, so it will be at least mid October"
I've told him to "forget it, I'll get a builder in", his answer "does that mean you won't be coming to dig my allotment over in September then"
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
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Post by jonno on Aug 14, 2023 13:47:45 GMT
Have had to make the decision to lose him as a friend. we had a mutual help agreement, I'd help him do jobs he'd help me. In the last 3 years I've spent about 4-5 weeks helping him with jobs ( this is on top of all the time I've spent sorting his finances ) Since January I've been trying to get him to come and help me with a couple of jobs that will need 2 people to do, he keeps promising to come and not turning up. usually the same excuse "got to work, I'll come up next weekend I'll ring you" of course he never does. messaged him today to ask why he didn't come up over the weekend. "Oh I decided to go to Snowdon and take the dogs for a walk" "so when can you come up" "working next weekend, the weekend after I'm going away for a couple of weeks, at work every weekend in September, so it will be at least mid October" I've told him to "forget it, I'll get a builder in", his answer "does that mean you won't be coming to dig my allotment over in September then" Look, I know he is (was) your friend and all that, but quite frankly he sounds like a complete tw*t. Kick him firmly into touch.
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keitha
Member of DD Central
2024, hopefully the year I get out of P2P
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Post by keitha on Aug 14, 2023 14:53:14 GMT
I think perhaps more self centred and selfish.
He had a decent business which for various reasons he ran into the ground, and has got this thing about how badly done to he is by the state,
So it's not his fault he kept claiming on UC for his daughter when she was over 18, the state is wrong because it won't give him PIP cos he drinks and has mental health issues, he thinks he should get carers allowance etc for both his wife and daughter, the wife has a slight brain injury from an accident 20 odd years ago ( he was driving ), but over the years since she has held a job down most of the time. The daughter is developmentally delayed, his view is he should get carers and be able to claim UC until her mental age reaches 18.
of course he wants all this extra from the state on top of his wages.
Now he is no longer self employed he thinks the tax system is wrong as it won't let him take his wages tax free and pay the tax after the year end ( yeah like that would happen )
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