Care

I signed a DNR "disclaimer" for mum, was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but I knew that it was her wish to go, She had over 3 years after a stroke unable to speak properly, stand, sit up without straps to hold her upright, feed or toilet herself.

looking back and being honest if i kept an animal alive like that i'd be prosecuted for cruelty.

Why the DNR in mums case she was refusing to eat or drink, the nursing home knew is she lapsed into unconsciousness, they would have to dial 999 and the hospital would tube feed her and put her on a drip until she was fit to go back to the nursing home and the cycle would repeat.

Sorry if this is a bit disjointed, even now 13 years on there are tears running down my face as i type this.

part of the reason it is was so hard is that when the Nursing staff spoke to me about it I needed to make the decision quickly. and I tried to speak to my siblings and neither answered the phone for over an hour.

Eventually I made the decision with some input from Dad, and my wife. when I had signed the forms I went back and told her I'd done it. She, as best she could hugged me, told me she loved me and gave me a kiss.

Later that night after I got home we had a call from the nursing home that if we wanted to see her we should go then.

I told my wife we got changed and were just going out of the door when the phone rang again, she had died in the 5 minutes. Given we were well over an hours drive away we couldn't have made it.

it's so sad that she died alone, dad had only gone home an hour earlier. and he wouldn't have left her had he known or anticipated it.

Dad passed about 6 months later, I don't care what was on his death certificate, I know he died of a broken heart.

Honestly I feel that she had reached the end of her tether.

She was very independent and had struggled for 2 years to recover from the stroke. Part of the physical issue was the stroke damaged the right side of the body. a couple of years before she'd had an accident and broke her left hip and despite a hip replacement it never healed properly due the her osteoporosis and she had been mostly weight bearing on the right side. after she got home from the hip replacement she slipped and broke her left arm and to the day she died it never healed properly, the stroke completely took what remained of her mobility.
I think she decided enough was enough.

strangely in a way it did some good as it caused a lot of family discussions about what people wanted in the same or similar position.
My Kids know what I want, and I and their partners know what they want.

gawd this has got me thinking :-

Some years before one of my uncles was dying of cancer, one day whilst we were visiting he pulled some bottles from under the pillow, and asked my mum directly which ones would help him end his life when it got too much and which wouldn't. Mum asked the rest of us to leave the room and about 5 minutes later asked us back in, I never knew and never asked if she had done what he asked or had refused. 

Just wanted to add to the mix what about children who were born in a similarly incontinent state? i.e. no toileting, no speech, no understanding, no walking etc. Shouldn't Dignitas, DNR orders etc apply to them also? If not why not ?

And a related matter, are all lives equal? I always used to think so but have been quite surprised at the number of people I encounter who consider children as being more important - at least within the family.

Edit: I missed in the 1st paragraph that despite all that they might be blissfully unaware - i.e. happy. 

while I get the sentiment, personally I think that is too simplistic. 

What about those without children ? What about those with children but those children had themselves to always be cared for by the parent or others ? What about those with children but who no longer have a relationship with them ? Or who are unable to provide care for other perfectly acceptable reasons - geography, job for example. And turning it around, many would not want to put that burden on their children. 

People can need care, not be able to get it from family, but still be able to have a quality of life they are happy with.

If we extrapolate your premise, then any person who needs more care than can be practically given by family have also outlived their lives: however long or short. Children who are born unable to ever look after themselves; adults that suffer disease or injury that renders them unable to look after themselves. 

While to euthanise because those that are incapable of fully looking after themselves (too frail to have a bath on their own but otherwise fully 'with it'?; the child with sufficient problems they will never be able to function independently) is a valid argument, I doubt too many would end up agreeing with its logical conclusions.

Awful isn't it? (I'm mean in the way of 'shock and 'awe').
How do you manage it wisely? 

It really does seem to be that most people would rather something like the NL model described above - certainly a change required from our current set up.

So if it would be popular, why don't the politicians do something? I can only guess they really don't like going too far into issues which are fundamentally depressing. They want to keep a smile on their faces all the time....