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Post by wickedxuk on Dec 10, 2016 17:32:44 GMT
A bit random but me and the wife don't have kids, we don't have a big circle of friends and we live at the other side of the country from our family and we aren't close to the family we have anyway. So the only way we would have a family is if we had children.
Everyone I meet seems to have children or will be having them, or desperately wants them. So it's hard to discuss a situation I haven't really seen a lot of (married couples without children).
I'm curious to find out peoples genuine feelings towards children because I have been thinking recently about why I am working so hard. Why am I saving, investing, cutting back on spending and working away so much to maximize our income.
Anyway I will post this and I am curious to see the votes but appreciate there may not necessarily be much discussion. It seems taboo to be married without children but maybe I am just not in the right social circles.
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pom
Member of DD Central
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Post by pom on Dec 10, 2016 19:24:48 GMT
Wow that's a bit heavy for a Saturday night....good thing I'm 2 cocktails down already.. FWIW tho, we don't have kids and like yourselves not particularly close to family (and very little of it left either on my side)...and yeah I often wonder what the heck is going to happen to all my loot at the end. We were never desperate to have kids, we were sure it'd be great if we had some but also agreed very early on that if it didn't happen by itself we wouldn't resort to medical assistance. And it hasn't.... and as I've just turned 44 it's rather unlikely now  Our friends are a mix - most have kids (some lovely, some the most effective contraception known to man), some others don't, so there's been a noticeably growing gap in lifestyle options shall we say, even before an inheritance put my world in a total spin (I still have a lot of mixed feelings about it really as I was doing fine on my own thanks, and it was just enough to push me into the "now what?" territory). I think it's easier for those with kids, they always have a reason to accumulate... for those of us that don't there's a lot of soul searching as to why we're doing it and how much is "enough." Wouldn't it be easier if we knew how long we were going to live?! Well for now I still (sort of) enjoy my job so will worry about trying to spend it all later....but I do make a point of separating out the day to day frugal and the what the heck splurges while I'm still young enough to enjoy. So I would say yes be sensible/careful but don't deny yourself if you don't need to. My grandparents' biggest regret I think was that they spent so much time being careful that by the time they didn't need to worry any more they were too old to enjoy it...at least they provided well for their offspring but (for various very good reasons) they missed out on a lot. PS looks like none of your poll options fit me! |
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JamesFrance
Member of DD Central
Port Grimaud 1974
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Post by JamesFrance on Dec 11, 2016 8:41:24 GMT
We were married over 50 years ago and after 2 years we had 2 children. We then found out how to stop it happening. No regrets. This picture from 1970 shows one of them going ashore in Toulon.  |
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nush
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Post by nush on Dec 11, 2016 10:01:57 GMT
married for 30 years, no kids, no regrets and loads of dogs, not that close to family. maybe a dogs charity for anything the wife doesn't manage to spend
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r00lish67
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Post by r00lish67 on Dec 11, 2016 10:52:05 GMT
In our early 30's and the wife and I have no intention whatsoever of having children. It's just never appealed in the slightest to either of us. I'm wound up by my otherwise entirely peaceful wife rustling a bag of crisps, so couldn't begin to contemplate the toddler years! Never say never as I know we still have time, and maternal instinct could kick in, but I really don't see that changing.
Do I have a backup plan as to who will look after us in our dotage? No. Is that reason enough to have kids? Definitely not, for us anyway.
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scc
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Post by scc on Dec 11, 2016 13:02:25 GMT
Missus wanted them, but ill health put paid to it. I was never that bothered. Whatever's left will go to environment and cancer charities. I have nieces and nephews I could potentially give anything left over after our deaths, but I don't really believe in wealth accumulation through inheritance (a big source of unfairness in the world imo).
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Post by wickedxuk on Dec 11, 2016 16:00:37 GMT
Thank all of you so much for your comments, I wasn't expecting any but it has been great to read all of the different situations. We never planned to have children and still we may not, only time can tell us that. Which we don't see as been the end of the world for us. I don't have any issues with building wealth through inheritance but it can really effect the values a child grows up with as noted by @magenta14 . I don't want my hard work to be for nothing but I also don't want my children to lose an appreciation of value because they know they will get inheritance! Growing up I saw a lot of regret which is why I put that option in the poll. Thank you to everyone for been honest. I think this is a really interesting subject. pom I'm sorry it didn't cover your situation exactly! I may very well end up in a similar position to you. I put the post up three times deleting it and amending the poll options as they can't be edited once up. r00lish67 - That made me chuckle! Thanks! |
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Post by Harland Kearney on Dec 12, 2016 0:33:39 GMT
I am currently engaged and we are looking to have kids in the future. Much of my investment/accumulation is in the mindset that it will go towards our home and the upbringing of kids; I'm currently 18 so it is interesting to see the trouble I'll getting myself into  |
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Post by bracknellboy on Dec 12, 2016 7:59:34 GMT
I am currently engaged and we are looking to have kids in the future. Much of my investment/accumulation is in the mindset that it will go towards our home and the upbringing of kids; I'm currently 18 so it is interesting to see the trouble I'll getting myself into By getting married, having kids, or investing in p2p. Or the happy union of all three ?
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Post by martin44 on Dec 12, 2016 8:21:37 GMT
Courted for 4 years, engaged for 6 years and married for 29 years, 2 boys now 26 and 28 and no regrets whatsoever. The boys are now both sorted with their own places to live, and we have our lives back (  well almost) As far as working, saving, investing etc is concerned, having kids focus's the mind, and now they are on their own path, we spend quite a bit of time discussing what we are going to leave them and how, will it be property and money, or just property and we spend all the money, lavishly, or nowt. Decisions Decisions. |
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markr
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Post by markr on Dec 12, 2016 13:02:48 GMT
I don't have children, we knew there never would be (endometriosis had seen off the good lady's nesting box before I met her), and were both happy with that. Fur babies substituted for human ones.
Losing said good lady at 45 (somewhat ironically to ovarian cancer) left me financially (reasonably) secure and instilled a "life's too short for this sh*t" mentality in me. Had I been a small cog in a big machine, I'd have quit working, but I've worked in a company of about a dozen people for 20 years or so, and enjoy the job, so I put in a couple of days a week to help maintain my code. Having children to consider would have required a level of responsibility I frankly don't have, so in some ways it's a blessing in disguise.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 12, 2016 16:18:10 GMT
No children
No real feeling that I missed out
Maine Coons are enough bother
Worked for 30 years and loved it, one day decided I didn't and it was time to grow up, so now just develop investments and learn languages
Lived with same woman for 30+ years, married in the last 3 (that inheritance tax thing, more than paid for the 4 day party)
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toffeeboy
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Post by toffeeboy on Dec 13, 2016 18:17:09 GMT
No children No real feeling that I missed out Maine Coons are enough bother Worked for 30 years and loved it, one day decided I didn't and it was time to grow up, so now just develop investments and learn languages Lived with same woman for 30+ years, married in the last 3 (that inheritance tax thing, more than paid for the 4 day party) Had to google Maine coons as that sounds rather racist, like black people from Maine were bothering you. The fact that they are cited to be dog like enamours them to me as I have to admit to being a dog over cat person
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Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2016 18:58:07 GMT
doggish, but self managing and our small one is just 6kg.
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Post by captainconfident on Dec 13, 2016 20:37:25 GMT
I don't have any children, and probably for that reason never made an honest woman of my girlfriend of 25 years. She likes children but never wanted one of her own when consulted. Me, I looked deep inside and just didn't find the desire to be a parent which I could hear expressed by other people.
So here I am, living on a rural farmstead, mid 50s, dog, cats, nut trees, rich as sin from own business built up and sold and not having to support thankless offspring and I wonder in a vague way, should I have had children? I am sometimes a little lonely.
It might have been nice to have one or two around, who knows? Id probably have been a good dad. But another strong reason I did not want children is I worry about the state of the planet. Here lies the deepest irony: I have nothing invested in the future of this world, because when I die I leave no heirs, yet I care so much about it . The people who should do most to protect the planet, those who invested in the future by having children, seem to care the least for it. I know I generalise, but I wonder why I don't just grow my bike away and buy a great big f*** off car like all the neighbours.
And I don't like the idea of strangers throwing away my stuff when I'm dead.
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well almost)
