jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,810 
Likes: 3,246
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Post by jonno on Jul 19, 2014 14:50:38 GMT
My car broke down yesterday,so I called out the AA.He looked under the bonnet and said "ah,there's your problem"."What's that?" I said."  in your carburettor"he said."OK,so how often do I need to do that?" I asked. |
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,810
Likes: 3,246
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Jokes
Jul 21, 2014 11:29:05 GMT
Post by jonno on Jul 21, 2014 11:29:05 GMT
Did you hear about the dyslexic atheist?................He didn't believe in dog  |
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Investor
Member of DD Central
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Jokes
Jul 21, 2014 13:08:09 GMT
Post by Investor on Jul 21, 2014 13:08:09 GMT
Nope never heard that, happen to know the guy as I met him at a toga party once, only know he was dyslexic because he was dressed as a goat
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Jokes
Jul 21, 2014 14:02:28 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jul 21, 2014 14:02:28 GMT
That was me! You were dressed as a gato I think? :-)
(Sadly I'm not dyslexic - that's just the way I like to dress at toga parties. You on the other hand made quite a mess when the cream began to drip I recall. )
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,810
Likes: 3,246
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Post by jonno on Jul 22, 2014 9:05:55 GMT
What do call a fly with no wings?.................A walk  .....................Somebody stop me  |
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Investor
Member of DD Central
Posts: 662
Likes: 590
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Post by Investor on Jul 22, 2014 9:51:34 GMT
and of course not forgetting 'What do you can a deer with no eyes'.......No idea
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oldgrumpy
Member of DD Central
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Post by oldgrumpy on Jul 22, 2014 10:05:10 GMT
My dog is suffering from Blacksmith's disease. 
Blacksmith's disease? What are the symptoms? 
Every time I go to kick him up the a*se he jumps up and makes a bolt for the door!! 
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,810
Likes: 3,246
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Post by jonno on Jul 22, 2014 13:41:58 GMT
Yesterday,I saw a blind man waiting to cross the road with his guide dog.Next thing the dog cocks it's leg and pi**es into the man's wellies.Amazingly,the man responds by patting the dog's head.I asked him why he was rewarding the dog for pi**ing on him.He said "I'm not.I'm trying to find it's head so I can give it a good kick up the a*se".
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mikeb
Posts: 1,072
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Post by mikeb on Jul 22, 2014 17:42:55 GMT
and of course not forgetting 'What do you can a deer with no eyes'.......No idea What do you call a deer with no eyes AND no legs? Still no idea ...
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Post by jevans4949 on Jul 22, 2014 21:29:49 GMT
My car broke down yesterday,so I called out the AA.He looked under the bonnet and said "ah,there's your problem"."What's that?" I said." in your carburettor"he said."OK,so how often do I need to do that?" I asked What's a carburettor, grandpa?
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Jokes
Jul 22, 2014 21:38:29 GMT
Post by valerieb on Jul 22, 2014 21:38:29 GMT
What do you call a man with a plank of wood on his head? Altogether now.......
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Jokes
Jul 22, 2014 21:59:31 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jul 22, 2014 21:59:31 GMT
And, while we're at it, a man with three planks of wood on his head.
Answer only provided on request - there may just be some young enough never to have heard it?
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 22, 2014 22:56:10 GMT
Woman to doctor: I've got a pain in my back
Doctor : It's your age
Woman : I want a second opinion
Doctor : Alright, you're ugly as well
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Jokes
Jul 22, 2014 22:59:07 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Jul 22, 2014 22:59:07 GMT
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "your round."
The other one says "so are you, you fat bast**d!"
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markr
Member of DD Central
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Post by markr on Jul 23, 2014 7:29:48 GMT
And, while we're at it, a man with three planks of wood on his head. Answer only provided on request - there may just be some young enough never to have heard it? Hmm, three planks would be a bit unbalanced, he'd probably need an Equalizer.
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in your carburettor"he said."OK,so how often do I need to do that?" I asked.
.....................Somebody stop me 
