j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188 
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jul 12, 2014 23:00:07 GMT
An 80's child will definitely get this.....
Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU!
I said 'Don't you mean KAPOW??
He said 'No, I've got china in my hand.'
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Jokes
Jul 13, 2014 21:01:17 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jul 13, 2014 21:01:17 GMT
OK (advance apologies for anyone who feels the cap fits) ..
Q: When talking to a politician (or lawyer, pick), how can you tell if they are lying?
A: You can usually see their lips move.
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Jokes
Jul 14, 2014 8:32:49 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Jul 14, 2014 8:32:49 GMT
I once knew a girl who was a real beauty, lovely hair tumbling all down her back ....... none on her head, just down her back!
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Jokes
Jul 14, 2014 8:35:46 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Jul 14, 2014 8:35:46 GMT
They stood on the bridge at midnight
Her lips were all a quiver
She gave a cough
Her leg fell off
And floated down the river
After Tommy Cooper
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
|
Post by j on Jul 15, 2014 6:47:03 GMT
Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but reception was brilliant. Vavavoom!  |
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Jokes
Jul 15, 2014 6:53:36 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jul 15, 2014 6:53:36 GMT
If at first you don't succeed ... Skydiving is a hobby you should probably avoid.
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Vero
Member of DD Central
Posts: 196 
Likes: 163
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Post by Vero on Jul 15, 2014 17:53:04 GMT
Dave drowned.
So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it's what he would have wanted.
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 16, 2014 18:09:28 GMT
I went to the local supermarket, I said "I want to make a complaint, this vinegar's got lumps in it"
The lady said "Those are pickled onions".
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Vero
Member of DD Central
Posts: 196
Likes: 163
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Post by Vero on Jul 16, 2014 18:59:02 GMT
I bought a pair of shoes off a drug dealer.
Don't know what he's laced them with, but I've been trippin all day.
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Jokes
Jul 16, 2014 21:18:09 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jul 16, 2014 21:18:09 GMT
We've a comedian in our family .. I've got two brothers and they're both half-wits!
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Jokes
Jul 17, 2014 13:39:50 GMT
Post by rudry2677 on Jul 17, 2014 13:39:50 GMT
An adult Dad joke....
Rolf Harris was spending his first night in the cell, head in his hands, sobbing.
A 6ft 4" weightlifting rapist in the upper bunk said....
"Do you think I would leave you crying when there's room in my bunk for two.....climb up here......"
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
|
Jokes
Jul 17, 2014 16:49:19 GMT
Post by j on Jul 17, 2014 16:49:19 GMT
I had a shepherd's pie the other day.
The shepherd wasn't very happy
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
|
Jokes
Jul 17, 2014 16:52:18 GMT
Post by j on Jul 17, 2014 16:52:18 GMT
I had a ploughman's lunch a couple of days later. He wasn't much happier either  |
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 17, 2014 18:46:09 GMT
Man goes to the doctors and says, Doc I keep thinking I'm a pair of curtains
The doctor replies, Go home and pull yourself together!
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Jokes
Jul 17, 2014 20:20:04 GMT
Post by markr on Jul 17, 2014 20:20:04 GMT
Two cannibals were talking. One said, "I don't like my mother in law", the other replied, "Well just eat the chips, then".
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