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Post by yorkshireman on May 14, 2014 23:23:54 GMT
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off My thanks to Mr Tommy Cooper And another from TC:
Man takes his Rottweiler to the vet..... My dog is cross eyed is there anything you can do for him?
Well says the vet let’s have a look at him. So he picks the dog up and examines him.
Finally he says I am going to have to put him down
What!! Because he's cross eyed?
No, because he's too heavy.
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188 
Likes: 540
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Jokes
May 16, 2014 18:49:34 GMT
Post by j on May 16, 2014 18:49:34 GMT
HMIR:We’ve got what it takes to take what you have got
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debeast
(o)(o)
Posts: 238
Likes: 44
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Post by debeast on May 23, 2014 12:33:48 GMT
I went to my doctors the other day covered from head to toe in cling film.
When i walked into the GP's office he said
'Well i can clearly see your nuts'
boom boom
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2014 4:28:45 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jun 1, 2014 4:28:45 GMT
What do you call a girl with a boat tied to her head?
Maureen.
What you call her when the river's in flood?
Submaureen.
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2014 9:47:31 GMT
Post by j on Jun 1, 2014 9:47:31 GMT
I went to the doctor the other day, I said 'it hurts when I do that' he said ' well don't do it'  |
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Post by yorkshireman on Jun 1, 2014 17:41:33 GMT
My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli...... a strong currant pulled him in.
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2014 21:01:57 GMT
Post by oldnick on Jun 1, 2014 21:01:57 GMT
Consider that liked.
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Post by badger on Jun 1, 2014 22:14:28 GMT
An Essex man was knocked down by a car. He lay dazed on the road in a pool of blood, surrounded by a crowd of onlookers. A paramedic arrived and asked "where's he bleeding from?" The man opened one eye and said "I'm from bleedin' Romford"
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Jokes
Jun 1, 2014 22:22:35 GMT
Post by j on Jun 1, 2014 22:22:35 GMT
Infamy....infamy....they've all got it infamy!
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jun 13, 2014 22:30:38 GMT
A man walks into a greengrocer's and says, I want five pounds of potatoes please.
The greengrocer says, we only sell kilos.
The man says, all right then, I'll have five pounds of kilos.
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,030
Likes: 4,431
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Post by agent69 on Jun 14, 2014 15:54:13 GMT
'I went to Paignton zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,030
Likes: 4,431
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Jokes
Jun 14, 2014 16:26:27 GMT
Post by agent69 on Jun 14, 2014 16:26:27 GMT
Have you heard the one about the Dyslexic man who walked into a bra
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Jokes
Jun 14, 2014 16:49:20 GMT
Post by oldnick on Jun 14, 2014 16:49:20 GMT
Or the (nationality-you-wish-to-mock) show-jumper who broke his nose jumping against the clock.
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jun 14, 2014 17:05:35 GMT
My wife and I were fighting like hammer and tongs. She won, she had the hammer. So true......so very very true  |
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Jokes
Jun 15, 2014 13:26:11 GMT
Post by j on Jun 15, 2014 13:26:11 GMT
I bought Windows for my computer, you would think I could get curtains for it?!  |
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