Jokes

A woman walks into a bank in London and asks for the manager. She says she's going abroad on business for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000. The manager says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the woman hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The manager and staff all enjoy a good laugh at the woman for using a £250,000 Rolls as security against a £5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the woman returns, repays the £5,000 and the interest, which comes to £15.00. The manager says to her, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multi-millionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow £5,000?

She replies...................... Where else in London can I park my car for two weeks for only £15.00 and expect it to be there when I return?

The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the M4 near Bridgend recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu.

A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu.

The cause of death appeared to be from vehicular impacts. However, during analysis it was noted that varying colours of paints appeared on the ...bird's beaks and claws. By analysing these paint residues it was found that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with lorrys, while only 2% were killed by cars.

 The Agency then hired an Ornithological Behaviourist to determine if there was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills versus car kills.

The Ornithological Behaviourist quickly concluded that when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow to warn of danger.

They discovered that while all the lookout crows could shout "Cah", not a single one could shout "Lorry"

A woman phones British Airways and asks, "Can you tell me how long it will take to fly from London to New York?"

The agent replies, "Just a minute..."

"Thank you," the woman says, and hangs up.

I used to have a mouse that did Elvis impressions, but sadly it died. It was caught in a trap.

Did you hear about the blonde who . .

Thought that General Motors was in the US army.

And also

Thought Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

Oh, dear!!!

Aaaahhh!!

OooooHH! Mmm> I had to think about it!