jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808 
Likes: 3,240
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Post by jonno on Nov 24, 2016 15:21:08 GMT
Tell you what; I'd have a fiver on the Dalai Lama if I was a Tibetan man  |
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,240
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Jokes
Dec 22, 2016 15:12:59 GMT
Post by jonno on Dec 22, 2016 15:12:59 GMT
I've just watched the "Director's Cut" of my favourite porno movie.
The only real difference is at the end when the washing machine gets repaired.
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Bagman
Member of DD Central
Posts: 209
Likes: 131
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Jokes
Dec 22, 2016 17:54:48 GMT
Post by Bagman on Dec 22, 2016 17:54:48 GMT
Two parrots sitting on a perch. One says "Can you smell fish?"
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Two fish in a tank. One says " It's your turn to drive." The old ones are the best ones  
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,240
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Post by jonno on Dec 23, 2016 13:13:23 GMT
Grandad was telling his grandson how lucky kids are today: "When I was your age, all I got at Christmas was an apple and an orange"
His grandson thinks for a moment and says "Wow, a computer AND a mobile phone!!"
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Bagman
Member of DD Central
Posts: 209
Likes: 131
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Post by Bagman on Jan 4, 2017 18:13:39 GMT
Seven weeks until Shrove Tuesday and the shops are already selling flour and eggs.
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Jokes
Jan 6, 2017 11:16:24 GMT
Post by uncletone on Jan 6, 2017 11:16:24 GMT
Seven weeks until Shrove Tuesday and the shops are already selling flour and eggs. Cadbury Creme Eggs and Mini Eggs were spotted here on Nw Years Eve!
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Jokes
Jan 6, 2017 12:54:25 GMT
Post by Companion Cube on Jan 6, 2017 12:54:25 GMT
Hi everyone,
I've just joined the forum and thought this would be a great place to start posting.
"I once knew a dyslexic guy who went to a Toga party dressed as a goat."
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,240
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Jokes
Jan 30, 2017 10:08:21 GMT
Post by jonno on Jan 30, 2017 10:08:21 GMT
I'm using two lawyers at the moment; one is Pro Bono, the other thinks he's a pretentious tw*t.  |
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,240
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Post by jonno on Mar 24, 2017 10:38:51 GMT
Whenever I show my naked body to a woman for the first time, I'm always worried that she'll scream and run out of the park!  |
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jo
Member of DD Central
dead
Posts: 741
Likes: 498
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Post by jo on Mar 24, 2017 11:58:09 GMT
Bloke walks into a vets in Yorkshire..
bloke: "Ey up, mi cat's poorly"
vet: "Is it a tom?"
bloke: "no, I brung it wi' mi".
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Post by yorkshireman on May 4, 2017 23:48:18 GMT
An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of a physical examination. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's surgery and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.
"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even asked the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbour?"
The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."
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fasty
Member of DD Central
Posts: 1,038
Likes: 388
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Post by fasty on May 8, 2017 18:09:41 GMT
"We thank all investors for their patients. "
Funding Circle
Comment on loan 29352
Borrower not in the health sector...
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,240
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Jokes
May 16, 2017 11:02:41 GMT
min likes this
Post by jonno on May 16, 2017 11:02:41 GMT
Teresa May says she will put a cap on immigrants coming into the country. I think that is so,so wrong. Immigrants should be allowed to wear whatever they like.  |
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Jokes
Jun 2, 2017 13:06:30 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Jun 2, 2017 13:06:30 GMT
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,624
Likes: 6,437
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Jokes
Jun 3, 2017 21:01:05 GMT
Post by registerme on Jun 3, 2017 21:01:05 GMT
" We thank all investors for their patients. " Funding Circle Comment on loan 29352 Borrower not in the health sector... Chairman Heremy Junt?
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