gc
Member of DD Central
Posts: 152 
Likes: 141
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Jokes
Sept 17, 2018 22:23:02 GMT
Post by gc on Sept 17, 2018 22:23:02 GMT
Definition of "Cannibal"
Someone that is fed up with people.
It's ok, I know, don't let the door hit me on the way out...
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Post by Companion Cube on Nov 8, 2018 21:28:19 GMT
I hated my first job. I had to dig holes. It was well boring.
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Jokes
Nov 9, 2018 20:18:47 GMT
Post by eascogo on Nov 9, 2018 20:18:47 GMT
Tonight's BBC top stories:
Woman's faulty bed sex fall claim rejected at High Court
'Remarkable' decline in fertility rates
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Greenwood2
Member of DD Central
Posts: 4,385
Likes: 2,784
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Jokes
Jan 23, 2019 7:38:51 GMT
Post by Greenwood2 on Jan 23, 2019 7:38:51 GMT
We don't skinny dip in our hot tub we chunky dunk!
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Feb 5, 2019 14:26:07 GMT
My wife said to me "God, sex is so much better on holiday".............That wasn't a nice post card to receive.
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Post by martin44 on Feb 5, 2019 15:34:20 GMT
My wife has just told me she and the kids are leaving me due to my obsession with horse racing.
They're down at the gate now...
And they're off....
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Jokes
Feb 20, 2019 23:04:25 GMT
Post by akagi on Feb 20, 2019 23:04:25 GMT
What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
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sarahcount
Member of DD Central
Posts: 359
Likes: 815
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Jokes
Apr 18, 2019 20:37:21 GMT
Post by sarahcount on Apr 18, 2019 20:37:21 GMT
This is not really a joke but we haven't had one since February and the thread is falling out of sight.
For those of you reading this in many months time - which is the one day of the year when I come home and find that there's no fish and chips for tea and Have I Got News For You doesn't seem to be anywhere on live tv or iPlayer?
All very strange. I suspect that the Church has got something to do with it.
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,624
Likes: 6,437
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Jokes
Apr 18, 2019 21:44:53 GMT
Post by registerme on Apr 18, 2019 21:44:53 GMT
This is not really a joke but we haven't had one since February and the thread is falling out of sight. For those of you reading this in many months time - which is the one day of the year when I come home and find that there's no fish and chips for tea and Have I Got News For You doesn't seem to be anywhere on live tv or iPlayer? All very strange. I suspect that the Church has got something to do with it. It might feel like a Friday but....
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,624
Likes: 6,437
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Post by registerme on May 1, 2019 16:20:29 GMT
LinkedIn just suggested that my "top job pick" is Governor of the Bank of England. ( Only it really did, this is not a joke     ) |
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iRobot
Member of DD Central
Posts: 1,680
Likes: 2,477
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Post by iRobot on May 1, 2019 16:30:31 GMT
LinkedIn just suggested that my "top job pick" is Governor of the Bank of England. ( Only it really did, this is not a joke ) Well, judging by your competition and based on comparative "highest dumb count achieved" scores, I'd say you were a shoe-in! 
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ilmoro
Member of DD Central
'Wondering which of the bu***rs to blame, and watching for pigs on the wing.' - Pink Floyd
Posts: 11,329
Likes: 11,549
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Post by ilmoro on May 1, 2019 17:08:16 GMT
LinkedIn just suggested that my "top job pick" is Governor of the Bank of England. ( Only it really did, this is not a joke ) Try it again ... Defence Secretary is vacant now
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mikeb
Posts: 1,072
Likes: 472
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Post by mikeb on May 5, 2019 18:30:38 GMT
LinkedIn just suggested that my "top job pick" is Governor of the Bank of England. ( Only it really did, this is not a joke ) Try it again ... Defence Secretary is vacant now When you say that, do you mean the role of Defence Secretary is vacant, or the former inhabitant of that role ... ?
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Godanubis
Member of DD Central
Anubis is known as the god of death and is the oldest and most popular of ancient Egyptian deities.
Posts: 2,011
Likes: 1,013
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Post by Godanubis on May 6, 2019 0:54:59 GMT
Try it again ... Defence Secretary is vacant now When you say that, do you mean the role of Defence Secretary is vacant, or the former inhabitant of that role ... ? Must be the latter as the job if filled 
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Jokes
May 6, 2019 19:01:52 GMT
Post by captainconfident on May 6, 2019 19:01:52 GMT
I know that mother-in-law jokes were usually sexist and come from a time that pre-dates comedy as we now know it. However, with apologies, here comes the only funny one I remember....
The other day I was walking down the street with my wife and there was my mother-in-law, being beaten up by six men.
"Arn't you going to help?", asked my wife?
"Naah, six should be enough".
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