jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806 
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on May 7, 2019 11:42:45 GMT
Jokes about white sugar are rare; jokes about brown sugar......Demarara  |
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jo
Member of DD Central
dead
Posts: 741
Likes: 498
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Post by jo on May 7, 2019 11:58:14 GMT
A horse walks into a bar. The barman confuses idioms with jokes and offers him water, but he can't make him drink...
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on May 9, 2019 9:40:19 GMT
Did you know that 1 out of every 4 frogs is a Leapfrog?  |
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Godanubis
Member of DD Central
Anubis is known as the god of death and is the oldest and most popular of ancient Egyptian deities.
Posts: 2,011
Likes: 1,013
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Jokes
May 11, 2019 23:29:22 GMT
Post by Godanubis on May 11, 2019 23:29:22 GMT
Jeremy Corbyn becomes Prime Minister ....... Sorry I got confused he is the joke. Becoming Prime Minister is the catastrophe.  |
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,624
Likes: 6,437
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Post by registerme on Jun 6, 2019 9:26:38 GMT
BG emailed me yesterday to alert me to the fact that my invoice was ready, for a CO monitor I had fitted during my annual boiler service on Tuesday. "Login to pay your bill", so I tried to, and the website was a busted. So I found their phone number (quickly for a change) and called them to pay the bill (which worked fine). Somewhere in that process I said "yes, you can call me for feedback". A couple of minutes ago I received a call from them and had to press 1 to proceed. Which I did, only to hear "Unfortunately, due to a technical problem, we can't take your call right now". I think there's a joke in there somewhere  . |
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2019 9:13:37 GMT
Post by jevans4949 on Jun 10, 2019 9:13:37 GMT
BG emailed me yesterday to alert me to the fact that my invoice was ready, for a CO monitor I had fitted during my annual boiler service on Tuesday. "Login to pay your bill", so I tried to, and the website was a busted. So I found their phone number (quickly for a change) and called them to pay the bill (which worked fine). Somewhere in that process I said "yes, you can call me for feedback". A couple of minutes ago I received a call from them and had to press 1 to proceed. Which I did, only to hear "Unfortunately, due to a technical problem, we can't take your call right now". I think there's a joke in there somewhere . Had a similar thing a few days ago with a travel insurance quote from HSBC, but the other way round. "Click here to proceed" type message at the bottom, then a screen saying the online service wasn't available. Actually completed the transaction by phone.
Problem is, companies think "Gee, that looks good on our web site", but don't authorise the work on the back end. I was treasurer of a church, and after I stepped down, for several years I kept getting emails telling me my gas / electricity bills were ready to view. When I contacted Customer Services (several times), they told me my email had been removed from their system. Eventually suggested to my successor that she should threaten them with action under GDPR regulations.
EDIT: you also get situations where you get companies to stop sending emails and then they get taken over, and /or move to new software, and they start sending you stuff again.
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gc
Member of DD Central
Posts: 152
Likes: 141
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Post by gc on Jun 11, 2019 18:49:30 GMT
Due to spiraling costs, I am unable to complete my new staircase......
.... I know, don't let the door hit me on the way out!!
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travolta
Member of DD Central
Posts: 1,506
Likes: 1,214
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Post by travolta on Jun 12, 2019 7:38:19 GMT
Thank you for the joke thread. I had to come here from Lendy Action Facebook , after scrolling through 34 comments of shrill despair. Some one give me light relief . PS I won £125 on premium bonds this week 
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Jun 12, 2019 9:41:18 GMT
I was brought up as an only child.
Really pissed my sister off.
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Post by martin44 on Oct 7, 2019 19:34:17 GMT
I told my wife today she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Oct 14, 2019 13:06:35 GMT
I'm preparing for Christmas already. I've bought an "Eton themed" Advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts.
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m2btj
Member of DD Central
Posts: 631
Likes: 772
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Post by m2btj on Oct 14, 2019 13:25:59 GMT
I accidentally booked myself on to an escapology course....now I'm really struggling to get out of it!
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benaj
Member of DD Central
N/A
Posts: 5,609
Likes: 1,738
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Post by benaj on Nov 29, 2019 14:52:55 GMT
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keitha
Member of DD Central
2024, hopefully the year I get out of P2P
Posts: 4,587
Likes: 2,623
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Jokes
Nov 30, 2019 17:49:13 GMT
Post by keitha on Nov 30, 2019 17:49:13 GMT
BG emailed me yesterday to alert me to the fact that my invoice was ready, for a CO monitor I had fitted during my annual boiler service on Tuesday. "Login to pay your bill", so I tried to, and the website was a busted. So I found their phone number (quickly for a change) and called them to pay the bill (which worked fine). Somewhere in that process I said "yes, you can call me for feedback". A couple of minutes ago I received a call from them and had to press 1 to proceed. Which I did, only to hear "Unfortunately, due to a technical problem, we can't take your call right now". I think there's a joke in there somewhere . Had a similar thing a few days ago with a travel insurance quote from HSBC, but the other way round. "Click here to proceed" type message at the bottom, then a screen saying the online service wasn't available. Actually completed the transaction by phone.
Problem is, companies think "Gee, that looks good on our web site", but don't authorise the work on the back end. I was treasurer of a church, and after I stepped down, for several years I kept getting emails telling me my gas / electricity bills were ready to view. When I contacted Customer Services (several times), they told me my email had been removed from their system. Eventually suggested to my successor that she should threaten them with action under GDPR regulations.
EDIT: you also get situations where you get companies to stop sending emails and then they get taken over, and /or move to new software, and they start sending you stuff again.
Seriously I've been getting calls on my landline from orange about my bill ( funny cos I don't have an orange account ) So I asked the guy to remove my number, sorry but due to the data protection act, I can only delete the number with the bill payers permission. So I went into shop and had a moan, the shop manager phoned the IT people who repeated same BS, I pointed out that holding wrong information when you've been told it is wrong is breach of DPA, phone went quiet, then a couple of minutes later he came back on and said he'd phoned the number but no-one answered, manager politely explained I was in shop so unlikely to answer phone which was 20 miles away. eventually I've got it deleted
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Dec 2, 2019 15:03:58 GMT
People who say "everything happens for a reason" have never sh*t themselves on public transport.
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