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Jokes
Oct 19, 2020 12:22:31 GMT
Post by dan1 on Oct 19, 2020 12:22:31 GMT
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Jokes
Oct 19, 2020 13:45:19 GMT
Post by Deleted on Oct 19, 2020 13:45:19 GMT
Since both will be plastic and just part of causing Climate Change I hope both are rejected. BTW this is not a joke.
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Post by stan88 on Nov 26, 2020 13:32:34 GMT
Fun fact It was around about this time last year that the most expensive shopping trip in history occurred in Wuhan.  |
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Jokes
Dec 9, 2020 21:54:40 GMT
Post by Companion Cube on Dec 9, 2020 21:54:40 GMT
A car mechanic on a night out, goes to a nightclub. The bouncer on the door stops him and says "sorry mate, can't let you in without a tie". The mechanic pulls out a set of jump leads from his coat and ties them around his neck. "What about this?" he says, "it's not unlike those bootlace ties that the cowboys wear". "Ah go on then" says the bouncer, "but don't start anything".
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806 
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Dec 21, 2020 13:34:38 GMT
The World Health Organisation have now formally announced that dogs cannot catch Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now all be released. To be clear WHO let the dogs out.  |
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jj
Member of DD Central
Jolly Jammy
Posts: 320
Likes: 358
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Jokes
Dec 23, 2020 22:49:21 GMT
cb25 likes this
Post by jj on Dec 23, 2020 22:49:21 GMT
A Jewish man couldn't get to sleep because he thought that there were demons under his bed. Every now & again he would look and find there were no demons as soon as he saw there were no demons he would try to go to sleep again but again thought there were demons under his bed. This when on every night & struggled to get any sleep.
He proceeded to go and see a psychiatrist. Every week, costing him £600 a month. When the time came to make a pledge to the Synagogue he told the Rabbi he couldn't because of the psychiatrist's bill. The Rabbi asked what was the problem. After explaining what the problem the Rabbi gave him a piece of advice. He took the rabbi's advice & was able to solve his sleep problem.
The Psychiatrist rang him up to ask why he had stopped coming in as he thought he was making progress. The Jewish man explained he didn't need to attend now as the Rabbi has giving him advice on solving his sleep problem. The Psychiatrist asked what advice did the Rabbi give. In reply he said "cut off the legs of the bed".
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Mousey
Member of DD Central
Posts: 1,598
Likes: 6,768
Member is Online
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Post by Mousey on Dec 24, 2020 19:17:40 GMT
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,623
Likes: 6,435
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Post by registerme on Dec 24, 2020 19:35:13 GMT
Thanks. Just had one run across the kitchen floor and hide... in the dishwasher. I thought the dishwasher was shut!!!! {sigh}
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IFISAcava
Member of DD Central
Posts: 3,692
Likes: 3,018
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Post by IFISAcava on Dec 24, 2020 20:06:18 GMT
Thanks. Just had one run across the kitchen floor and hide... in the dishwasher. I thought the dishwasher was shut!!!! {sigh} We just had one in our kitchen too They must know
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Dec 28, 2020 13:12:52 GMT
Something suddenly occurred to me during my Christmas Day "bubble visit". In the old days you used to cough to cover up a fart. Now you fart to cover up a cough |
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,623
Likes: 6,435
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Jokes
Dec 30, 2020 11:42:56 GMT
Post by registerme on Dec 30, 2020 11:42:56 GMT
Something suddenly occurred to me during my Christmas Day "bubble visit". In the old days you used to cough to cover up a fart. Now you fart to cover up a cough Get's my joke of the year award.
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,623
Likes: 6,435
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Post by registerme on Jan 10, 2021 21:09:13 GMT
Just heard that there's a bloke in Borough market selling the Oxford vaccinations for £2 each... or three for a Pfizer.
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Jan 13, 2021 15:45:37 GMT
Knock knock; Who's there?; Grandad; Jesus, STOP THE FUNERAL!!  |
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Feb 4, 2021 11:12:33 GMT
Humans and dolphins are the only two species to have sex for pleasure, which is ok if you don't mind the clicky noises.
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Jokes
Feb 9, 2021 13:08:56 GMT
Post by jonno on Feb 9, 2021 13:08:56 GMT
I went around to the grandparents to take their dog out for a walk. As I'm going out my grandad asked me if I was taking poo-bags. So I said "come on then grandma you're coming as well".  |
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