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Jokes
Jul 9, 2014 12:01:18 GMT
Post by phoenix on Jul 9, 2014 12:01:18 GMT
Somebody knocked at the door.
I knew it was the mother-in-law.
The mice were throwing themselves on the traps.
Les Dawson
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 9, 2014 12:48:39 GMT
I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of my trouser legs and put it in a library. That will be a turn-up for the books.
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Jokes
Jul 9, 2014 13:25:40 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jul 9, 2014 13:25:40 GMT
I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of my trouser legs and put it in a library. That will be a turn-up for the books.
Dad joke, category A. :-)
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Post by rudry2677 on Jul 9, 2014 15:29:18 GMT
My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees.
I thought she was joking .......... And then I saw her face......
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Investor
Member of DD Central
Posts: 662 
Likes: 590
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Jokes
Jul 9, 2014 15:34:02 GMT
Post by Investor on Jul 9, 2014 15:34:02 GMT
And then you believed her?
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Jokes
Jul 9, 2014 16:44:57 GMT
Post by rudry2677 on Jul 9, 2014 16:44:57 GMT
And then you believed her? The lyrics, the lyrics.....
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Post by markr on Jul 9, 2014 18:07:13 GMT
Q: What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot.
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 9, 2014 19:35:30 GMT
I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 9, 2014 22:37:34 GMT
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, straight up, no bull!"
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Post by GSV3MIaC on Jul 10, 2014 17:44:21 GMT
Q: What's the difference between a vitamin and a hormone?
A: You can't hear a vitamin.
Q; Why do elephants have ridges on the soles on their feet?
A: To give the ants a 50/50 chance.
and finally
Q: What's yellow and very dangerous?
A: Shark infested custard. (or an unexploded banana, if you're old grumpy)
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Jokes
Jul 10, 2014 21:38:42 GMT
Post by j on Jul 10, 2014 21:38:42 GMT
I bumped into an old acquaintance the other day! We've both got poor eyesight!  |
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Investor
Member of DD Central
Posts: 662
Likes: 590
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Jokes
Jul 10, 2014 22:13:08 GMT
Post by Investor on Jul 10, 2014 22:13:08 GMT
Man walks into a bar
Ouch! It was an iron bar
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 10, 2014 22:50:31 GMT
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
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Jokes
Jul 11, 2014 5:22:15 GMT
Post by rudry2677 on Jul 11, 2014 5:22:15 GMT
Q. How do you delay milk from going sour?
A. Keep it in the cow.
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Post by markr on Jul 11, 2014 8:31:35 GMT
Two pieces of black tarmac were sat in a bar when a piece of green tarmac walks in. One piece of black tarmac turns to the other and says, "Don't make eye contact, he's a cycle path".
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