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Post by longjohn on May 20, 2015 11:55:55 GMT
Instead of carrying around heavy and cumbersome binoculars, just walk to within ten yards of the object you wish to view. Like this? xkcd.com/1522/John
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Post by wildlife2 on May 20, 2015 12:45:55 GMT
Always do what could have been done tomorrow yesterday.
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Post by markr on May 20, 2015 18:47:04 GMT
Save money by just walking around the outside of a zoo. You can see the animals with long necks for free. My sister likes to recall that on their first date, her now husband took her for a walk round the outside of London Zoo.
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Post by bracknellboy on May 20, 2015 20:33:08 GMT
Save money by just walking around the outside of a zoo. You can see the animals with long necks for free. My sister likes to recall that on their first date, her now husband took her for a walk round the outside of London Zoo. I guess that means he is a "neck man".
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Post by ablrateandy on May 21, 2015 6:46:59 GMT
My sister likes to recall that on their first date, her now husband took her for a walk round the outside of London Zoo. I guess that means he is a "neck man". Or markr and his sister are llamas?!
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,742
Likes: 3,136
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Post by jonno on May 21, 2015 9:53:25 GMT
Tired of being nagged to walk the dog? Pretend you've already taken it out by unrolling a turkey rasher out the side of its mouth while it lies by the fire, giving it that shagged out look.
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Post by markr on May 21, 2015 11:21:02 GMT
Or markr and his sister are llamas?! Oh no my cover's blown. Abort Operation Llama-lend! Abort Abort!
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Post by rudry2677 on May 21, 2015 17:01:09 GMT
Crematorium owners. Create a warm and friendly atmosphere for mourners and offset some of the fuel bill by selling jacket potatoes.
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Post by rudry2677 on May 22, 2015 11:12:00 GMT
How to tell if someone is dead... apply lightly roasted onion to their nostrils, if they are alive, they will immediately scratch their nose. But (important: prior to roasting the onions) call 999.
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Post by oldnick on May 22, 2015 12:12:32 GMT
Whaf if they don't have a sense of smell?
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Post by pepperpot on May 22, 2015 12:22:16 GMT
Try unroasted onions instead, just to be sure, but there is always the fall back position of the 999 call - I'm sure a paramedic could explain why the onion test did not work properly.
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Post by oldnick on May 22, 2015 12:46:23 GMT
You guys run rings round me
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Post by rudry2677 on May 23, 2015 16:07:33 GMT
Convince people that you are a Premier League football player by having your hair cut with a knife and fork.
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Post by rudry2677 on May 24, 2015 14:30:42 GMT
When a woman says "What?", it's not that she didn't hear you it's that she's giving you a chance to change your mind.
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Post by rudry2677 on May 25, 2015 12:16:45 GMT
Women. Avoid sexism on the football pitch by simply staying at home and doing the house work.
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