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Jokes
Jul 14, 2015 8:29:54 GMT
Post by rudry2677 on Jul 14, 2015 8:29:54 GMT
The Acropolis is being renamed Merkelopolis as a 'Thank You'.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jul 15, 2015 9:10:13 GMT
My friend says men who are losing their hair can run faster; I think that's balderdash.
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sam i am
Member of DD Central
Posts: 697 
Likes: 555
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Post by sam i am on Jul 17, 2015 21:31:02 GMT
A man walks into a bar claiming to be an early-eighties pop star. He was adamant.
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Post by skippyonspeed on Aug 8, 2015 9:49:12 GMT
A geezer walks into a bar and asks loudly "Who owns the rottweiler tied up outside?"
A bloke answers "I do, why?"
The geezer says "I am very sorry but my chihuahua has just killed it"
The bloke laughs and says "Yeah right, and how did it do that?"
The geezer replies "He choked on it"
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Jokes
Aug 8, 2015 10:01:40 GMT
Post by skippyonspeed on Aug 8, 2015 10:01:40 GMT
Another bloke walks into the same bar, coincidently, with his dog
As he his ordering he doesn't notice his doing a number 2 on the polished wooden floor
A 2nd bloke walks in doesn't see the pile and skids along the floor and falls over
A 3rd bloke walks in and does exactly the same thing
The 2nd bloke says to him "I just did that" so the 3rd bloke hit him
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Jokes
Aug 8, 2015 10:16:39 GMT
Post by gaspilot on Aug 8, 2015 10:16:39 GMT
Another bloke walks into a pub and sees a man at the bar with a dog next to him.
The bloke asks the man 'Does your dog bite?'
'No' replies the man.
So the bloke bends down to stroke the dog and gets promptly bitten.
The bloke says 'I thought you said your dog didn't bite'.
The man replies 'That's not my dog!'
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,048
Likes: 4,438
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Post by agent69 on Aug 8, 2015 12:10:06 GMT
Another bloke walks into a pub and sees a man at the bar with a dog next to him. The bloke asks the man 'Does your dog bite?' 'No' replies the man. So the bloke bends down to stroke the dog and gets promptly bitten. The bloke says 'I thought you said your dog didn't bite'. The man replies 'That's not my dog!' Thought it was a hotel? www.youtube.com/watch?v=ui442IDw16o
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,242
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Post by jonno on Aug 9, 2015 12:24:28 GMT
Apparently during the recent test match, a phone call for Michael Clarke came in. When the caller was told he'd just gone out to bat, he said "No worries, I'll hold"  |
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Jokes
Aug 11, 2015 0:27:47 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Aug 11, 2015 0:27:47 GMT
What do you call an Australian who is good with a bat?
A vet.
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Jokes
Aug 11, 2015 0:31:17 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Aug 11, 2015 0:31:17 GMT
Old Chinese proverb
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
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Jokes
Aug 11, 2015 7:00:50 GMT
Post by bracknellboy on Aug 11, 2015 7:00:50 GMT
Old Chinese proverb Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. I guess we should expect this to be posted again around Sept 2016...: p2pindependentforum.com/post/15797 
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Jokes
Aug 11, 2015 12:48:42 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Aug 11, 2015 12:48:42 GMT
Old Chinese proverb Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. I guess we should expect this to be posted again around Sept 2016...: p2pindependentforum.com/post/15797 Oops, I’d forgotten that. However, seeing that you remembered it, it’s either a good joke and / or you liked it, in which case, have I posted these proverbs before? Man who fish in other man's well, often catch crabs Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails. Virginity like bubble, one pr*ck, all gone. Apologies if the last one causes offence to anyone.
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oldgrumpy
Member of DD Central
Posts: 5,087
Likes: 3,233
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Jokes
Aug 11, 2015 13:31:41 GMT
Post by oldgrumpy on Aug 11, 2015 13:31:41 GMT
yorkshiremanIt's your business what you do with your rhubarb............. . . . . .... oh, sorry (Sir Geoffrey!) ... I thought you said st*ck! 
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Post by rudry2677 on Aug 12, 2015 7:46:51 GMT
Last night at our amateur dramatics evening we cast a DHL delivery driver as Quasimodo.
Absolute disaster. He refused to ring the bell and just left a note instead.
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Jokes
Aug 12, 2015 7:47:28 GMT
Post by rudry2677 on Aug 12, 2015 7:47:28 GMT
"What are those things standing in that field?"
"Herd of cows?"
"Yes".
"Well it's them".
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