skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787 
Likes: 424
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Jokes
Jun 13, 2016 18:58:37 GMT
Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 13, 2016 18:58:37 GMT
A German guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. " Si parla Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...." "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." What happened to the German guy?? 
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Jokes
Jun 13, 2016 19:07:03 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Jun 13, 2016 19:07:03 GMT
A German guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Englishmen are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he says. The two Englishmen just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" The two continue to stare. " Si parla Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first Englishman turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language...." "Why?" says the other, "That bloke knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." What happened to the German guy?? Oops, see edit!
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,624
Likes: 6,437
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Jokes
Jun 17, 2016 10:57:12 GMT
Post by registerme on Jun 17, 2016 10:57:12 GMT
A little boy goes out to play, 30 minutes later he comes back home dragging a settee behind him. confused his mum asks him "where did you get that from?" "a man down the road gave it to me" the boy replys. WALLOP! mum gives the boy a clip round the ears! "what have i told you about taking sweets from strangers" That's.... dreadful  .
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Jokes
Jun 18, 2016 11:01:32 GMT
Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 18, 2016 11:01:32 GMT
Careful, Jaydee , you’ll have the PC police after you for posting Jewish, Irish and blonde jokes. I think he should be more concerned about legal action from lawyers!!
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,044
Likes: 4,437
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Post by agent69 on Jun 18, 2016 11:02:37 GMT
A Scotsman walks into a pub.
There should've been an Englishman a Welshman and an Irishman too, but they were all in France watching the football.
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Jokes
Jun 19, 2016 13:43:59 GMT
Post by earthbound on Jun 19, 2016 13:43:59 GMT
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt....
"pint of lager please, and one for the road"
A pair of jump leads walk into a bar.... barman says
"I'll serve you both this once, but don't start anything"
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 19, 2016 17:17:09 GMT
A pair of jump leads walk into a bar Now, call me old fashioned but, I don't think that's gonna happen and I don't think any barman would nonchalantly say anything about serving 'em.....I mean, where do they keep their money would be the 1st question
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Jokes
Jun 19, 2016 17:21:37 GMT
Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 19, 2016 17:21:37 GMT
What do you call a cow that just gave birth? Decalfinated Is that because cows sleep better after giving birth?
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 19, 2016 17:24:53 GMT
A Scotsman walks into a pub. There should've been an Englishman a Welshman and an Irishman too, but they were all in France watching the football. I suppose going by our usual performance, jokes will resume the normal format soon
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Jokes
Jun 19, 2016 18:42:32 GMT
Post by earthbound on Jun 19, 2016 18:42:32 GMT
A pair of jump leads walk into a bar Now, call me old fashioned but, I don't think that's gonna happen and I don't think any barman would nonchalantly say anything about serving 'em.....I mean, where do they keep their money would be the 1st question Actually..thinkin about it..why didn't they jump into the bar? 
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2016 13:52:03 GMT
Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 22, 2016 13:52:03 GMT
Let me tell you a little about myself......It's a reflexive pronoun that means 'me'
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2016 14:03:12 GMT
Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 22, 2016 14:03:12 GMT
What's worse than a male chauvinist pig?.........A woman that won't do what she's told
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 22, 2016 14:17:42 GMT
Did you read about the short fortuneteller who escaped from prison..................... Headline: Small Medium at Large
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Jokes
Jun 22, 2016 14:32:10 GMT
Post by earthbound on Jun 22, 2016 14:32:10 GMT
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions,
"Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, "But how'd you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s all my fault."
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Jokes
Jun 24, 2016 14:36:21 GMT
phil likes this
Post by uncletone on Jun 24, 2016 14:36:21 GMT
I am also doing nothing today. I did nothing yesterday, but I hadn't finished it.
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