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Jokes
Jun 24, 2016 14:53:51 GMT
Post by wildlife2 on Jun 24, 2016 14:53:51 GMT
That reminds me, I knew there was something I had to do today ... mow the lawn with my new battery lawn mower, it's so much better than
messing about with petrol/pulling a string, just press a button and away you go!
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787 
Likes: 424
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Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 24, 2016 15:12:24 GMT
That reminds me, I knew there was something I had to do today ... mow the lawn with my new battery lawn mower, it's so much better than messing about with petrol/pulling a string, just press a button and away you go! Does it mean your grass is greener now? 
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Jokes
Jun 24, 2016 15:21:53 GMT
Post by wildlife2 on Jun 24, 2016 15:21:53 GMT
Yes, the grass is always greener on the other side 
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fp
Posts: 1,008
Likes: 853
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Post by fp on Jun 24, 2016 18:48:42 GMT
There is a lot of uncertainty ahead for our high street banks due to Brexit, as all our armed robbers come back from Spain
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Post by gmaxkenny on Jun 27, 2016 13:44:11 GMT
Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn’t find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, “Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish whiskey!” Miraculously, a parking place appeared. Paddy looked up again and said, “Never mind, I found one.” Whats black and blue and floats on the Irish Sea ? Answer: An Englishman who tells Irish jokes.
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Post by yorkshireman on Jun 28, 2016 18:41:18 GMT
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply.
The first man then asks, “Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds: "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," says the second.
Curious, the first asks: "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it, me too! Let’s have another round of drinks to Dublin." "Of course" The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62" "This is becoming unbelievable!!!" they say in union.
About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's up?" he asks the barman. "Nothing much," replied the barman. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
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Post by yorkshireman on Jun 28, 2016 18:47:39 GMT
One afternoon, a wealthy banker was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food." the man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the men says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you." The banker replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2016 13:35:01 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jun 30, 2016 13:35:01 GMT
But drink reshsponsibilily |
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jun 30, 2016 13:37:46 GMT
I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on tv said in order to have inner peace in our lives we should always finish what we started, since we all need more calm in our lives i looked round my house til i found things i hadn't finished...i finished a bottle of merlot, a bottle of chardonnay, a boddle of baileys,a buttle of wum the raminder of valiuminum scriptins and a box of choclutz.....Yu haz no idr how fabuluz i fel rite nowww.send this to all yur frenz who need inner piss an telum yu luvum Wiss I culd gave you a 'dibble' like instead if win!
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jun 30, 2016 13:38:17 GMT
I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. A doctor on tv said in order to have inner peace in our lives we should always finish what we started, since we all need more calm in our lives i looked round my house til i found things i hadn't finished...i finished a bottle of merlot, a bottle of chardonnay, a boddle of baileys,a buttle of wum the raminder of valiuminum scriptins and a box of choclutz.....Yu haz no idr how fabuluz i fel rite nowww.send this to all yur frenz who need inner piss an telum yu luvum Wiss I culd gave you a 'dibble' like instead if win! PS Hic!
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skippyonspeed
Some people think I'm a little bit crazy, but I know my mind's not hazy
Posts: 787
Likes: 424
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Post by skippyonspeed on Jun 30, 2016 14:53:50 GMT
But drink reshsponsibilily schpoilschport hic
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,242
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Jokes
Jul 2, 2016 11:51:46 GMT
Post by jonno on Jul 2, 2016 11:51:46 GMT
My next door neighbours have just starred in a no-holds-barred sex film.
Obviously they don't know yet................ 
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Post by bracknellboy on Jul 8, 2016 19:20:43 GMT
Jaydee: at the risk of being called out as a prude, I have removed your post. The capital punishment and public flogging policies of Saudi Arabia may be suitable material for jokes in some quarters, but IMHO not on a forum such as this.
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Jokes
Jul 9, 2016 12:26:34 GMT
via mobile
oldnick likes this
Post by bracknellboy on Jul 9, 2016 12:26:34 GMT
Jaydee: just to be clear, my reason for removing was none of those you mentioned. Rather that in the round I thought it was a touch too graphic and unpleasant on what many would consider to be a rather serious subject. That's all.
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phil
Posts: 190
Likes: 165
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Post by phil on Jul 9, 2016 22:54:45 GMT
Jaydee : just to be clear, my reason for removing was none of those you mentioned. Rather that in the round I thought it was a touch too graphic and unpleasant on what many would consider to be a rather serious subject. That's all. Actually, your stated reason for removing it was one of those James mentioned, namely "the joke was removed because of the flogging content". Your exact words were "public flogging policies of Saudi Arabia may be suitable material for jokes in some quarters, but IMHO not on a forum such as this". 
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