phil
Posts: 190
Likes: 165
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Post by phil on Jul 9, 2016 23:17:08 GMT
Jaydee : at the risk of being called out as a prude, I have removed your post. The capital punishment and public flogging policies of Saudi Arabia may be suitable material for jokes in some quarters, but IMHO not on a forum such as this. I certainly did not intend to cause any offence and did not think the joke did either. However I accept your opinion and understand the Mods' needs to follow fairly strict guidelines on all matters. I do firmly believe that we are now very much living in a nanny state where offence is taken at the least perceived criticism of gender, race, creed, sexual orientation etc etc. Strangely the joke was removed because of the flogging content with no mention of the football rivalry that exists today.  By the way I spent much of my early career in Saudi Arabia working in many desolate places that can only be described as the ar*****es of the world. I did however find the people extremely friendly, respectful, polite and helpful I have read the joke and it certainly didn't offend me, it was simply a joke. I don't understand the Mod's decision, we're all old enough to make our own minds up. If jokes about flogging are censored then why not jokes about alcohol, the consequences of alcoholism are serious with around 8500 people dying annually in the UK of alcohol related diseases.
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808 
Likes: 3,241
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Post by jonno on Jul 11, 2016 10:11:36 GMT
Apparently, the hardest part of producing Skimmed milk is tossing the cows across the lake.  |
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DiQ
Member of DD Central
Posts: 61
Likes: 48
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Post by DiQ on Jul 11, 2016 13:23:26 GMT
A onesie is a selfie taken by the Queen
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,241
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Post by jonno on Jul 23, 2016 14:55:06 GMT
My mate's been finished off by the Big C.
He was walking past Curry's and the sign fell on his head.
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Jokes
Jul 27, 2016 13:37:14 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Jul 27, 2016 13:37:14 GMT
Why don't sharks attack bankers?
Professional courtesy.
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 28, 2016 13:14:01 GMT
A man goes into a pub and seats himself on a bar stool.
The barman looks at him and says, "What'll it be mate?"
The man says, "Set me up seven whiskies and make them doubles."
The barman does this and watches the man knock one back, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served.
Staring in disbelief, the barman asks why he's doing all this drinking.
The man replies "You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."
The barman hastily asks, "What do you have then pal?"
The man quickly answers, "I only have two pounds in my pocket."
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Post by yorkshireman on Jul 28, 2016 13:21:44 GMT
A woman is driving home in northern Arizona when she sees a Navajo woman hitchhiking.
Because the trip had been long, she stops the car and the Navajo woman gets in. During their small talk, the Navajo woman glances surreptitiously at a brown bag on the front seat between them.
"If you're wondering what's in the bag" offers the woman, "it's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman is silent for a while, nods several times and says, "Good trade."
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Post by dualinvestor on Aug 14, 2016 17:02:13 GMT
News in the fight against narcotics
Police find that tea is a gateway drug to biscuits.
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Jokes
Aug 14, 2016 19:35:38 GMT
Post by martin44 on Aug 14, 2016 19:35:38 GMT
I have always liked my neighbours , then they had to go and spoil it by changing there wifi password.
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Post by yorkshireman on Aug 15, 2016 21:33:45 GMT
A bloke walks into a Glasgow library and says to the prim librarian,
"Excuse me Miss, dey ye hiv ony books on suicide?"
To which she stops doing her tasks, looks at him over the top of her glasses and says,
"Get lost, ye'll no bring it back!"
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Post by dualinvestor on Aug 24, 2016 13:50:49 GMT
If Clinton wins the election it will be the first time two US presidents have slept with each other.
If Trump wins it will be the first time that a billionaire white man has moved into public housing replacing a black family.
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Jokes
Aug 25, 2016 15:47:22 GMT
Post by jevans4949 on Aug 25, 2016 15:47:22 GMT
If Clinton wins the election it will be the first time two US presidents have slept with each other. - as far as we know!
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,241
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Post by jonno on Sept 2, 2016 13:06:51 GMT
Just finished a book called "Anticlimax"; the first part was absolutely brilliant!  |
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,808
Likes: 3,241
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Post by jonno on Sept 11, 2016 12:30:23 GMT
I simply refused to believe that my dad was stealing from his job as a road mender. But when I got home, all the signs were there.  |
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Jokes
Sept 12, 2016 15:24:59 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Sept 12, 2016 15:24:59 GMT
A young banker decided to buy his first bespoke suit. So he went to Savile Row, got measured and a week later went in for his first fitting. As he tried it on, he reached down to put his hands in the pockets but to his surprise found none.
He mentioned this to the tailor who asked him, "You're a banker, right?" The young man answered, "Yes, I am."
To which the tailor replied "Well, whoever heard of a banker put his hand in his own pocket?"
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