Jokes

A gorilla walks into a bar and says, "A scotch on the rocks, please." The gorilla hands the barman a £10 note.

The barman thinks to himself, "This gorilla doesn't know the prices of drinks" and gives him 15 pence change.

The barman says, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here."

The gorilla replies, "Well, at £9.85 a drink, I’m not coming back, either."

Had a flick through a Russian porno mag called "Barely Legal" the other day. It was just full of pictures of grown men holding hands.

white horse walks into a bar 

Bartender says 'We have a whiskey named after you'

Horse replies 'Ok i'll have a double Eric on the rocks'

Ha Ha.. being a bit slow i had to read twice, but well worth a like. 

An Australian travel writer touring Canada was checking out of a hotel and as he paid his bill asked the manager, "By the way, what's with the Indian chief sitting in the lobby? He's been there ever since I arrived."

"Oh that's 'Big Chief Forget-me-not'," said the manager. "The hotel is built on an Indian reservation and part of the agreement is to allow the chief free use of the premises for the rest of his life. He is known as Big Chief Forget-me Not because of his phenomenal memory. He is 92 and can remember the slightest detail of his life."

The travel writer took this in and as he was waiting for his cab decided to put the chief's memory to the test.

" 'ello, mate!" said the Aussie, receiving only a slight nod in return. "What did you have for breakfast on your 21st birthday?"

"Eggs," was the chief's instant reply without even looking up, the Aussie was impressed.

He went off on his travel writing itinerary, right across to the east coast and back, telling others of Big Chief Forget- me-not's great memory. (One local mentioned to him that “How” was a more appropriate greeting for an Indian chief than ''ello mate.")

On his return to the original hotel six months later he was surprised to see “Big Chief Forget-me-not” still sitting in the lobby, fully occupied with whittling away on a stick.

"How!" said the Aussie.

"Scrambled," replied the Chief.

I remember that one from my childhood (a true golden oldie!). For some reason, it reminds me of:


A car plant near Birmingham is taken over by the Japanese and car production ramps up. The local gearbox supplier can't keep up with demand so the factory manager phones Japan to send emergency components. A 747 is quickly loaded and dispatched but unfortunately, whilst circling above Birmingham waiting to land, is struck by lightning and breaks apart. Hearing the hail of falling parts, the factory manager looks out of the window and exclaims "Goodness gracious, it's raining Datsun cogs!"

(I think perhaps that's one of Ronnie Corbett's)

The Apache chiefs wife goes to see the medicine man.
"Big chief no toilet" she says.
The medicine man knocks up a potion of berries and tells here to give it to him as a drink at bedtime.
 One week later she is back
"Big chief no toilet" she says
He again makes a potion this time with berries & added tree bark and gives the same instructions.
Again she returns after a week
"Big chief no toilet"
This time he uses extra berries with extra tree bark and tells her he has added a pinch of gunpowder for guaranteed success.
Next morning he pleased to see her at first light running for his tent.
"Good news?" he says.                                                                                                                                           She replies
"Big toilet no chief"