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Post by martin44 on Oct 11, 2017 18:41:00 GMT
Talking of cats......
Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are.
The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth worked for the Council.
To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.”
T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle.
Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat.
But the Accountant said his cat could do better.
He called, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff.”
Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each.
Everyone agreed that was a good cat.
But the Chemist Bragged his cat could do better.
He called to his cat, “Measure, do your stuff.”
Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a pint of milk, got 4 glasses from the cupboard and poured exactly a quarter of a pint into each without spilling a drop.
Everyone agreed that was one good cat.
Then the three men turned to the Council guy and said, “What can your cat do?”
The Council Worker called to his cat and said, “Oy, Coffee Break, do your stuff.”
Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper and then claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed an accident report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave.
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macq
Member of DD Central
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Post by macq on Oct 11, 2017 19:19:18 GMT
Talking of cats...... Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth worked for the Council. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was a good cat. But the Chemist Bragged his cat could do better. He called to his cat, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a pint of milk, got 4 glasses from the cupboard and poured exactly a quarter of a pint into each without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was one good cat. Then the three men turned to the Council guy and said, “What can your cat do?” The Council Worker called to his cat and said, “Oy, Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper and then claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed an accident report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. I work for the council and have made a note.Hopefully you have a cat that can empty your bins next week  
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Jokes
Oct 11, 2017 19:48:37 GMT
macq likes this
Post by martin44 on Oct 11, 2017 19:48:37 GMT
Talking of cats...... Four men were bragging about how smart their cats are. The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth worked for the Council. To show off, the Engineer called to his cat, “Tsquare, do your stuff.” T-square pranced over to a desk, took out some paper and a pen and promptly drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed that was a pretty smart cat. But the Accountant said his cat could do better. He called, "Spreadsheet, do your stuff.” Spreadsheet went out into the kitchen and returned with a dozen cookies. He divided them into 4 equal piles of 3 cookies each. Everyone agreed that was a good cat. But the Chemist Bragged his cat could do better. He called to his cat, “Measure, do your stuff.” Measure got up, walked over to the fridge, took out a pint of milk, got 4 glasses from the cupboard and poured exactly a quarter of a pint into each without spilling a drop. Everyone agreed that was one good cat. Then the three men turned to the Council guy and said, “What can your cat do?” The Council Worker called to his cat and said, “Oy, Coffee Break, do your stuff.” Coffee Break jumped to his feet, ate the cookies, drank the milk, crapped on the paper and then claimed he had injured his back while doing so, filed an accident report for unsafe working conditions, put in for Compensation and went home for the rest of the day on sick leave. I work for the council and have made a note.Hopefully you have a cat that can empty your bins next week It's a coincidence that you say that, because the original joke was a binman, i changed it to council worker to help out the young'ns as 'Region specific refuse recycling operatives' seemed a bit long.
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oldgrumpy
Member of DD Central
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Post by oldgrumpy on Oct 13, 2017 11:50:36 GMT
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registerme
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Jokes
Oct 13, 2017 11:51:57 GMT
dan1 likes this
Post by registerme on Oct 13, 2017 11:51:57 GMT
Down here eatin's cheatin.
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Jokes
Oct 13, 2017 13:20:23 GMT
Post by yorkshireman on Oct 13, 2017 13:20:23 GMT
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oldgrumpy
Member of DD Central
Posts: 5,087
Likes: 3,233
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Jokes
Oct 13, 2017 13:56:28 GMT
Post by oldgrumpy on Oct 13, 2017 13:56:28 GMT
? I can see the picture in my post. Is it showing for you yet? edit: cooling_dude ding Help!!  Yorkshireman isn't seeing the link. Can I assume you both see the picture? OG
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oldgrumpy
Member of DD Central
Posts: 5,087
Likes: 3,233
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Post by oldgrumpy on Oct 13, 2017 14:14:24 GMT
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Post by yorkshireman on Oct 13, 2017 14:16:31 GMT
I can see the picture in my post. Is it showing for you yet? edit: cooling_dude ding Help!! Yorkshireman isn't seeing the link. Can I assume you both see the picture? OG Embedding Twitter is beyond the capabilities of IE4 (still widely used in Yorkshire I hear) is my guess  Try just the picture  What's IE4? 
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,043
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Post by agent69 on Oct 13, 2017 15:07:33 GMT
I can see the picture in my post. Is it showing for you yet? edit: cooling_dude ding Help!! Yorkshireman isn't seeing the link. Can I assume you both see the picture? OG Embedding Twitter is beyond the capabilities of IE4 (still widely used in Yorkshire I hear) is my guess Down in darkest Devon (where internet access is slower than most of the Amazon Rain Forrest) we are still on Netscape Navigator. Returning to the theme of special offers, I worked in south wales many years ago and Valleys radio was running a competition where the first prize was a family ticket to Alton towers ....... 1 adult and 3 children.
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Post by p2perrr on Oct 13, 2017 19:45:31 GMT
(Enough about William Hague.)
Why do Bees hum?
Because they can't remember the words.
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Jokes
Oct 14, 2017 12:36:01 GMT
Post by markr on Oct 14, 2017 12:36:01 GMT
Down in darkest Devon (where internet access is slower than most of the Amazon Rain Forrest) we are still on Netscape Navigator. In a moment of nostalgia recently, I cranked up an old Sun SparcStation 10 I happen to have lying around and tried out NCSA Mosaic on some modern websites. Needless to say, it was pants.
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Post by Companion Cube on Oct 17, 2017 19:11:50 GMT
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
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Jokes
Oct 18, 2017 12:04:09 GMT
macq likes this
Post by spectra on Oct 18, 2017 12:04:09 GMT
Maybe if we start telling people the brain is an app they will start using it.
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Post by spectra on Oct 18, 2017 12:04:43 GMT
My wife says she is no longer buying junk food for the family because, "Everyone Just Eats it."
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Yorkshireman isn't seeing the link. Can I assume you both see the picture? OG
