maotw
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Posts: 60 
Likes: 29
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Post by maotw on Jan 22, 2018 16:36:49 GMT
Apologies if this one is in the pages I've not read.
Chap walks into the doctors.
Doctor takes one look at him, and says "you've gotta stop masturbating"
Chap says "Why?"
"So I can examine you!" replies the doc.
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Post by rudry2677 on Feb 20, 2018 17:09:42 GMT
I was walking along the street with my wife today when she suddenly stopped and said, "Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"
"Of course not." I replied.
"So why the balaclava then?" she asked.
I said, "It's in fashion."
"Really?" she said, "Do you see any other women wearing one"?
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registerme
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,624
Likes: 6,437
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Post by registerme on Mar 3, 2018 9:43:54 GMT
Why won't Karl Marx let you have Earl Grey?
Because he doesn't think you should have proper tea.
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Jokes
Mar 5, 2018 10:15:06 GMT
Post by flx123 on Mar 5, 2018 10:15:06 GMT
What does the bison say to his son when he leaves for college?
...
bye son
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jonno
Member of DD Central
nil satis nisi optimum
Posts: 2,806
Likes: 3,237
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Post by jonno on Mar 5, 2018 16:36:32 GMT
I was walking down the road with the wife the other day. Suddenly, we see the mother in law being set upon by six burly men.
"Well, aren't you going to help?" shouted my wife,
"No, I think the six of them have just about got it covered" I replied. 
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Post by rudry2677 on Mar 7, 2018 9:35:15 GMT
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is very heavy and a Zippo is a little lighter.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 17, 2018 12:24:48 GMT
Quoting David Brenner:
"Misers aren't fun to live with, but they make wonderful ancestors."
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Post by rudry2677 on Mar 18, 2018 18:32:00 GMT
Me: What’s the WiFi password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I’ll have a Coke please.
Bartender: Is Pepsi OK?
Me: Sure, how much is that?
Bartender: £1.70
Me: There you go. So what’s the password?
Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lower case.
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macro
Member of DD Central
Posts: 86
Likes: 70
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Post by macro on Mar 29, 2018 3:33:57 GMT
Always chuckle when I read that ' Interest rates displayed are gross'. An amusing ambiguity  |
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Jokes
Mar 31, 2018 14:53:03 GMT
Post by rudry2677 on Mar 31, 2018 14:53:03 GMT
The Irish government are advising local councils they can save money on lollipop men by moving the schools to the other side of the road.
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Imothep
Member of DD Central
Posts: 106
Likes: 72
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Jokes
Apr 2, 2018 17:07:51 GMT
Post by Imothep on Apr 2, 2018 17:07:51 GMT
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kaya
Member of DD Central
Posts: 1,150
Likes: 718
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Jokes
Apr 2, 2018 18:37:33 GMT
Post by kaya on Apr 2, 2018 18:37:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2018 6:08:56 GMT
A Wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and
buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again.
Men will literally get it the first time.
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Post by Companion Cube on Apr 11, 2018 20:30:25 GMT
I'd rather have a "Full bottle in front of me" than a "Full frontal lobotomy".
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766
Likes: 426
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Jokes
May 13, 2018 10:49:06 GMT
Post by markr on May 13, 2018 10:49:06 GMT
There was a robbery at the Apple Store last night. Police are appealing for iWitnesses.
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