goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77 
Likes: 69
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Post by goofy115 on May 16, 2018 19:11:28 GMT
Fair play to Wayne Rooney visiting Sir Alex Ferguson in hospital last week. ’His speech is improving and he can nearly string a sentence together’ said Ferguson.
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Post by jevans4949 on May 19, 2018 14:13:34 GMT
- Hey, do you know a good GDPR consultant?
- Yes
- Can you give me his email address?
- No.
(Thanks to my daughter)
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macro
Member of DD Central
Posts: 86
Likes: 70
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Jokes
May 23, 2018 3:18:11 GMT
Post by macro on May 23, 2018 3:18:11 GMT
There's no such thing as a free tranche.
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macro
Member of DD Central
Posts: 86
Likes: 70
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Post by macro on May 23, 2018 3:20:55 GMT
What's the difference between a tranche and a trench?
You can dig yourself out of a trench.
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Post by rudry2677 on May 24, 2018 20:56:58 GMT
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an old Irish man answered his door to find two grim-faced Constables.
"We're sorry Sir, but we have some information about your dear wife" said one of the officers.
"Tell me, Did you find her?" the worried man asked.
The constables looked at each other and one said, "We have some bad news, some good news and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"
Fearing the worst, the man said, "Give me the bad news first".
The constable said, "I'm sorry to tell you Sir, but early this morning we found your poor wife's body in the bay."
"Lord sufferin' Jesus and Holy Mother of God" exclaimed the man. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What could possibly be the good news?"
The constable continued, "When we pulled your late wife up, she had 12 of the best-looking Atlantic lobsters that you have ever seen clinging to her. Haven't seen lobsters like that since the 1960's and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."
Stunned, the old man demanded, "Glory be to God, if that's the good news, then what's the really great news?"
The constable replied, "We're going to lift her up again tomorrow".
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 25, 2018 10:16:00 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 25, 2018 10:16:00 GMT
Q: Why did the fishermen start doing drugs?
A: Pier pressure
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 25, 2018 11:07:07 GMT
via mobile
Nomad likes this
Post by goofy115 on May 25, 2018 11:07:07 GMT
My father had a nightmare so bad he chewed his pillow to bits. I asked, "How do you feel?" He replied, "A little down in the mouth."
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Post by goofy115 on May 25, 2018 16:39:33 GMT
My mate Ralph must be one of the most kind hearted person I’ve ever known.He was behind a little old lady in the shop who was buying bits for her grandkids. Her bill came to £60.85 but when she counted out her change she only had just shy of £60 on her. She didn't want Ralph to help her bless her, but he insisted and in no time at all he had all her shopping back on the racks & shelves.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 26, 2018 13:37:30 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 26, 2018 13:37:30 GMT
The police arrested two suspicious men in a car park today. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 26, 2018 17:02:19 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 26, 2018 17:02:19 GMT
A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of 3. He says "uno, dos..." poof. He disappeared without a tres.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 26, 2018 18:14:10 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 26, 2018 18:14:10 GMT
I have a Polish friend who's a sound technician. Oh, and a Czech one too. Czech one too. Czech one too.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Post by goofy115 on May 27, 2018 19:51:26 GMT
News coming in of a cheese factory exploding in France.All that was left was de Brie.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 27, 2018 19:56:31 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 27, 2018 19:56:31 GMT
What advice did Yoda give to the Russian secret agent?
Cagey be.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 29, 2018 15:55:33 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 29, 2018 15:55:33 GMT
My dog was recently rescued from a freezing lake by a passing German tourist.After he got out of the water he told me “here is ze dog, dry him off and keep him warm and he vill be fine”. I asked “are you a vet?” .“vet?”he replied... I’m soaking!”.
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goofy115
Member of DD Central
Posts: 77
Likes: 69
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Jokes
May 29, 2018 16:03:05 GMT
Post by goofy115 on May 29, 2018 16:03:05 GMT
Two aerials met on a roof,fell in love and got married.The ceremony was rubbish - but the reception was brilliant.
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