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Jokes
Jun 29, 2014 20:02:40 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jun 29, 2014 20:02:40 GMT
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2014 8:41:56 GMT
Post by uncletone on Jun 30, 2014 8:41:56 GMT
We are of course showing our age(s), with reference to 'silver paper'. I'd better not mention sugar sold by scooping loose sugar into a blue paper bag sitting on the shop scales then... 
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markr
Member of DD Central
Posts: 766 
Likes: 426
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2014 9:00:09 GMT
Post by markr on Jun 30, 2014 9:00:09 GMT
I always remember the penguin joke as "Why don't polar bears eat penguins?", hoping that some clever dick will go on about the Arctic and Antarctica only to be put down with "Nope, they can't get the wrappers off".
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2014 12:00:23 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jun 30, 2014 12:00:23 GMT
We are of course showing our age(s), with reference to 'silver paper'. I'd better not mention sugar sold by scooping loose sugar into a blue paper bag sitting on the shop scales then... Ah, horse drawn scales - those were the days. You tell that to the kids of today and they don't believe you! :-)
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2014 12:53:49 GMT
via mobile
Post by oldnick on Jun 30, 2014 12:53:49 GMT
Or maybe worse, they Do believe you.
Of course we never had horse drawn scales - we just pushed them around ourselves!
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Jokes
Jun 30, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jun 30, 2014 16:31:47 GMT
We are of course showing our age(s), with reference to 'silver paper'. I'd better not mention sugar sold by scooping loose sugar into a blue paper bag sitting on the shop scales then... I remember my Mother actually working in International Stores ("who?") and MAKING those blue bags on-the-fly from a sheet of paper (and no sellotape allowed) .. something I rate up there with advanced Origami.
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Jokes
Jul 1, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
Post by j on Jul 1, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
Although it's been hard to veer away from penguin/aquatic jokes, here's one for the road:
How do you avoid infection from biting insects?…Simples – don’t bite them
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Jokes
Jul 2, 2014 7:21:41 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jul 2, 2014 7:21:41 GMT
And for ISIRTA fans, .. The Lone (loan?) Ranger hit the trail ... Thwack! thwack! " Naughty Trail!".
(I suppose that's non-PC now, he'd have to send it to the naughty step instead.)
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Post by valerieb on Jul 2, 2014 19:36:42 GMT
How does Moses make his tea? He brews it.
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jul 2, 2014 22:06:52 GMT
Ever wondered why people pay £1+ for a bottle of evian water? Just spell evian backwards!
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Post by oldnick on Jul 2, 2014 22:22:43 GMT
As nobody else wants to -
A horse is sitting alone at the bar -
the barman says "why the long face?"
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j
Member of DD Central
Penguins are very misunderstood!
Posts: 2,188
Likes: 540
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Post by j on Jul 3, 2014 6:59:04 GMT
To all the wonderful ladies out there  (apologies for post length) HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY 1. Feed him 2. Sleep with him 3. Leave him with peace 4. Don't check his phone (Msgs) 5. Don't bother him with his movements So whats so hard about that? HOW TO MAKE A WOMAN HAPPY It's really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a plumber 10. a mechanic 11. a carpenter 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organiser 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 44. give her compliments regularly 45. Go shopping with her 46. be honest 47. be very rich 48. not stress her out 49. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 50. give her lots of attention 51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes. BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT 53. never forget *birthdays *anniversaries *valentine *arrangements she makes (without telling you)
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Post by valerieb on Jul 3, 2014 8:29:31 GMT
Oh, you are so demanding, j ! I'm sure the original list only had 3 items on it.
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Post by rudry2677 on Jul 3, 2014 8:47:37 GMT
Apocalypse Now was written by a dyslexic Greek who was envious of the popularity of "Rome wasn't built in a day"
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Jokes
Jul 3, 2014 16:12:43 GMT
Post by GSV3MIaC on Jul 3, 2014 16:12:43 GMT
Warning .. Liable to offend! 8>.
Husband: something you screw on the bed which pays all the bills.
alterrnate version...
Wife: something you screw on the bed which does all the housework.
Hey.. I just pass them on ....
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(apologies for post length) 