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Jokes
Mar 9, 2022 14:22:02 GMT
Post by stan88 on Mar 9, 2022 14:22:02 GMT
The mystery Z we see on some vehicles has been solved. Some guy called Zelensky runs a scrap metal firm in Ukraine he writes Z on everyone. Has a lot of cheap Russian parts at the moment check him out.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 9, 2022 14:31:11 GMT
I do a lot of woodwork and when you layout a piece of wood for cutting the bit you throw away as worthless gets either an X on it or a Z on it. Just saying.
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,030 
Likes: 4,431
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Post by agent69 on Mar 9, 2022 16:01:05 GMT
The mystery Z we see on some vehicles has been solved. Some guy called Zelensky runs a scrap metal firm in Ukraine he writes Z on everyone. Has a lot of cheap Russian parts at the moment check him out. Are you certain it's not Zorro or Zoidberg
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ilmoro
Member of DD Central
'Wondering which of the bu***rs to blame, and watching for pigs on the wing.' - Pink Floyd
Posts: 11,315
Likes: 11,523
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Jokes
Mar 9, 2022 19:08:23 GMT
via mobile
Post by ilmoro on Mar 9, 2022 19:08:23 GMT
Ukrainian farmers are now the fifth largest army in the world.
(They are regularly pictured towing Russian tanks ... on occasion without the Russians actually abandoning them)
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easylender
Member of DD Central
Posts: 249
Likes: 225
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Jokes
Mar 9, 2022 23:07:08 GMT
macq likes this
Post by easylender on Mar 9, 2022 23:07:08 GMT
A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her more precocious students.
The teacher asked, 'Harry, what exactly is your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade, my sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks finally had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he happily agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9..'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a bright 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her,
'Ya Know’ I reckon Harry can go to the 3rd grade'..
But Ms. Brooks is still skeptical of the little bugger and says to the principal, 'Not so fast, let me ask him a few questions..'
The principal and Harry both agree.
Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms. Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets..’ to the Principal’s great relief…..
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
By now, the principal is sitting forward with his mouth hanging open..
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
Now the principal's eyes open really wide and before he could intervene, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal is now trembling with apprehension as Ms. Brooks asks the last question……
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' and indicates a great deal of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breaths a huge sigh of relief and tells the teacher, "Put the little bastard in 5th-Grade, I got the last seven questions wrong myself..."
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Jokes
Apr 30, 2022 14:43:04 GMT
Post by stan88 on Apr 30, 2022 14:43:04 GMT
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a0010402
Member of DD Central
Posts: 111
Likes: 64
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Jokes
May 17, 2022 21:22:54 GMT
Post by a0010402 on May 17, 2022 21:22:54 GMT
What did the keeper of a dog with two heads want to buy from the butcher shop? A bone with four ends.  |
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Post by stan88 on Jul 5, 2022 18:27:43 GMT
Story going around at number 10 that Boris has just asked Nadine Dorries if she knows what 2+2 is.
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Jokes
Jul 5, 2022 19:53:51 GMT
Post by overthehill on Jul 5, 2022 19:53:51 GMT
Liz Truss can't resign tonight as her photographer is out of town.
I'm sticking with my previous prediction made about five 'just resign with some dignity left' Boris moments ago. Liz Truss or Ben Wallace. The number of female leaders in Europe is staggering, pity about the two weak men running France and Germany.
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macq
Member of DD Central
Posts: 1,934
Likes: 1,199
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Post by macq on Jul 6, 2022 15:14:00 GMT
Boris goes into a bank and asks them to cash a cheque.
cashier - a pleasure sir just need to see some ID
Boris - i am the PM i did not bring ID as everyone knows me
cashier - rules are rules sir you will need to prove who you are
Boris - As i said i am the PM and i don't carry ID but there must be someway to do this
cashier - well One day we had Harry Kane in here with the same problem so he nipped to his car and came back with a ball and chipped it in the waste paper bin from 30 feet,so we know it was him
We also had Gordon Ramsey with no ID but he told the manager to f-off and the knocked up a great meal in the canteen in 20 minutes for everybody proving it was him
Boris -ok
cashier - so can you do something to prove who you are
Boris - Well i have been thinking and my mind is a complete blank.There's nothing that comes to mind so i have no idea what to do
cashier - That's fine sir which notes would you like
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,030
Likes: 4,431
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Post by agent69 on Jul 11, 2022 17:15:27 GMT
Q: do you believe in sex before marrige
A: it all depends on what time the wedding is
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Jokes
Jul 11, 2022 17:29:10 GMT
Post by bracknellboy on Jul 11, 2022 17:29:10 GMT
Q: do you believe in sex before marrige
A: it all depends on what time the wedding is
there is always the option of sex DURING a wedding, or rather somewhere after the ceremony (practicality not prudishness) and before completion of the reception.
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Jokes
Jul 11, 2022 17:31:03 GMT
macq likes this
Post by bracknellboy on Jul 11, 2022 17:31:03 GMT
Boris goes into a bank and asks them to cash a cheque. cashier - a pleasure sir just need to see some ID Boris - i am the PM i did not bring ID as everyone knows me cashier - rules are rules sir you will need to prove who you are Boris - As i said i am the PM and i don't carry ID but there must be someway to do this cashier - well One day we had Harry Kane in here with the same problem so he nipped to his car and came back with a ball and chipped it in the waste paper bin from 30 feet,so we know it was him We also had Gordon Ramsey with no ID but he told the manager to f-off and the knocked up a great meal in the canteen in 20 minutes for everybody proving it was him Boris -ok cashier - so can you do something to prove who you are Boris - Well i have been thinking and my mind is a complete blank.There's nothing that comes to mind so i have no idea what to do cashier - That's fine sir which notes would you like and there was me thinking he was going to jump over the desk and s**g the cashier. your punch line was better.
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agent69
Member of DD Central
Posts: 6,030
Likes: 4,431
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Jokes
Jul 11, 2022 19:29:14 GMT
Post by agent69 on Jul 11, 2022 19:29:14 GMT
Two old men are stood on the first tee at their local golf club bemoaning the loss of their faculties as they get older.
- First player hits the ball straight down the middle of the fairway, and turns to his friend and says 'my eyesight isn't as good as it use to be. Did you see where my ball landed'
- 'Yes' said the second player
- 'Where is it then' said the first player
- 'I can't remember' said the second player
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Greenwood2
Member of DD Central
Posts: 4,376
Likes: 2,780
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Jokes
Jul 11, 2022 19:30:48 GMT
Post by Greenwood2 on Jul 11, 2022 19:30:48 GMT
In India a little boy on a buffalo cart tickling the buffalos b****s with his toes to keep it compliant.
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